steve jacobsen – Page 4 – Steve Jacobsen, Ed.D

Spiritual Discernment in an Evolving Universe

Life involves plenty of decision-making: some minor and some life-changing. If we are on a spiritual path, important decisions can become part of our journey of discovery and growth. It’s a process known as discernment.

One description of this process is The Way of Discernment: Spiritual Practices for Decision Making by Elizabeth Liebert.

Liebert writes from a strong Biblical foundation and thorough knowledge of contemplative traditions. But she approaches her topic with a contemporary understanding of life and spirituality:

This understanding begins with the universe as a whole: it is open, flexible, and evolving. On our human level, we experience the boundaries that we call the laws of nature. But when we look either more macroscopically or microscopically, we begin to see the universe is dynamic and ever-changing. … we can expect that God, too, is dynamic, ever-changing, continuously creating – not simply repeating what has already been created. …(and) we are able to participate, with God, in the creation of our future.[i]

In the past, some religious practices were dominated by the question, “Am I good enough?” A more interesting quesiton is: “How can I personally access divine guidance in a way that will deepen my relationship with its source, helping me to navigate my own life while benefitting the world around me?”

Awareness Examen: She first encourages us to find a regular time to reflect on where we notice God’s presence in our day. Some people do this by journaling before going to sleep at night, others by taking time early in the morning to review the prior day. Where did you see signs of grace, blessing, and insight? Like bird watchers who become skilled observers over time, we are more likely to recognize such traces if we practice recognizing them.

Use an Important Decision You Are Facing: Are you facing an important decision about your relationships, responsibilities, or life direction? Write down a simple summary of the decision you want help with. Begin to think carefully about it and open yourself to the Spirit’s guidance. Don’t be in a hurry – the process of finding an answer will take time.

She offers seven different ways we can gather clues.

Memory’s Guidance: Think back to a time in your life when you faced a difficult decision and found a satisfying outcome. How did that happen? Where did you find guidance? What role did other people play? What lessons can you draw from such times?

Intuition: Intuitions come in moments when we seem to suddenly know something through a sudden awareness, idea, or sense of direction. It may appear when we are taking a shower, falling asleep, or waking up. It can come when we are on a walk, doing dishes or gardening. Intuitions may not give us the final answer but can offer important hints.

Body Awareness: Our body can give us clues to our deepest awareness. When we think of a possible direction, does our body tense up or relax? What other physical sensations do we discover when we consider alternatives?

Imagination’s Insight: If we are facing two possible directions in our life, we can use imagination to look at each one separately. If I go Way #1, what might happen, immediately and as time goes on? Imagine that option for several days. Then do the same for Way #2. What do we learn from comparing these two directions? We can also be open to dreams, seeing if they offer clues. We can imagine taking our question to a trusted friend (past or present) for advice; who might that be, and what would they say? Or think about being at the end of your life looking back on this moment of decision –what path would you wish you had taken?

Reason: A common way to approach a decision is to logically think through what we might do and what the consequences might be. We can make a list of pros and cons and compare the lists. (But don’t assume if one side has more items, that’s the one we should choose – it could be the shorter list has more significant points.) Is there someone we know who has a lot of common sense that we can talk to?

Feelings: Modern psychology understands emotions are not “just” feelings which count less than logical ideas. Feelings can reveal deep inner truths. When we reflect on different options, what feelings arise? (Write them down). What does such an emotional inventory tell us?

Nature We can go outdoors on a walk or hike and see if some aspect of nature “speaks to us.” One method is to find an appealing spot to sit quietly for a while. Once we’ve settled in, we then pose the question we are facing. We don’t expect anything immediately. But in time, we might see or hear something that seems to offer us insight. A majestic tree might help us believe that we, too, can survive tough times; an emerging sprout might help us recognize something new wants to grow within us.

If we try any or all of these exercises, we may gradually come to a sense of what direction to pursue. She encourages us to then take a few days and live with this possibility. Does it seem right? Will it help us live more authentically grounded in our core spiritual values?

What I have always liked about Liebert’s work is how she encourages us to be open to guidance, insight, and inspiration from many different senses and ways of knowing. Beyond our digital distractions and limited habits of awareness, our bodies, minds, and hearts can open us to the living, creative, divine Spirit within us and around us. It is there to guide us and bless us. It is up to us seek it.

[i] The Way of Discernment: Spiritual Practices for Decision Making by Elizabeth Liebert, pg. 17

Image: “Fields,” Camille Pissaro, 1877

Pip Discovers the “Power of Money”

I remember reading Great Expectations by Charles Dickens in Junior High. I recently thought I would read it again. I am still early in the story but was struck by one scene.

Young Pip has been raised by his irritable older sister and apprenticed to her husband Joe, a humble blacksmith. As Pip goes through his days, we see village life through his young eyes. He has some curious adventures and encounters. A few years pass and he is an adolescent. A lawyer from London comes to see him and tells him an anonymous benefactor has chosen him to be a person of “Great Expectations.” He will become educated as a gentleman and well-financed for life. He is given a generous sum of money to outfit himself with clothes befitting his new status before going to London.

He goes to the shop of Mr. Trabb, the village tailor. Mr. Trabb calls Pip into his kitchen to talk while he is having his breakfast.

“Mr. Trabb,” said I, “It’s an unpleasant thing to have to mention because it looks like boasting; but I have come into a handsome property.”

Mr. Trabb immediately gets up from his meal and begins treating Pip with great care. He also begins ordering his “boy” (his young assistant) around in a loud voice.

When he had at last done and had appointed to send the articles to Mr. Pumblechook’s on the Thursday evening, he said, with his hands upon the parlor lock, “I know, sir, that London gentleman cannot be expected to patronize local work, as a rule; but if you would give me a turn now and then in the quality of a townsman, I should greatly esteem it. Good morning, sir, much obliged –- Door!

The last word was flung at the boy who had not at least notion what it meant. But I saw him collapse as his master rubbed me out of his hands, and my first decided experience of this stupendous power of money, was, that it had morally laid upon his back, Trabb’s boy.[i]

“The stupendous power of money” creates an entirely new world for Pip. His status is instantly elevated by people who paid him little mind the day before. In contrast, the tailor’s “boy” is treated with public disdain by his master; he “collapses” as his low status is “laid upon his back.” Pip sees what money can do: elevate some while demeaning others.

Our youngest daughter once worked for the Santa Barbara International Film Festival. As a staff member, she received a “Platinum Pass.” This not only permitted the holder to attend all events, but to enter the theater before everyone else, walking up a Red Carpet separated by a rope and security guards from excited fans and photographers. She knew there was one particular night I wanted to attend. She said, “Dad, I have to work that night, but you can have my Platinum Pass. And I can escort you into the theater.”

I did not have a personal tailor but dressed up as best I could. We met on the sidewalk outside the theater. She put her arm under mine and we walked onto the Red Carpet. I noticed peoples’ faces as we approached – at first they looked at me with excitement, thinking, “Maybe this guy is important!” But they quickly realized I was not; the facial expressions of joyful anticipation dissolved and they began looking beyond us, hoping for someone worth seeing.

It was my one glimpse of stardom.

But I have had experiences of being in the presence of true greatness.

I once did a graveside service for a woman I did not know well. I met her years before when a mutual friend had asked me to visit her after husband had died; since then we had occasionally seen each other around town. She owned and managed two local dry-cleaning businesses. As I prepared for the service, I spoke to a few of her friends. They told me she had been dedicated to caring for her employees — providing them with full health care coverage when she wasn’t required to and always treating them like family. It was a small gathering. The friends stood closest to the casket. Behind them were the employees, huddled together and weeping quietly. When I finished my part, I invited those who wished to approach the casket to pay their final regards. The employees waited until others had passed by. Then they came one by one, pausing to gently touch the casket in silent reverence.

In moments like these, no one is exalted and no one is demeaned. Everyone is on the same level, united by love and respect.

[i] Great Expectations, Charles Dickens, Vintage Classics, 2012, pg 142

Illustration: “Pip and Joe on the Marshes,” Victorianweb.org

Being Grateful for Our “Inner Savings Account”

“As a lifelong traveler, I felt in my bones how home is not where you happen to live so much as what lives inside you…my inner savings account…the Sufis say that you truly possess only what you cannot lose in a shipwreck.”[i]

I spent five months backpacking in Europe in 1975. One summer day I was hitchhiking in Bavaria from the mountain village of Lindenberg towards Munich. There were few cars on the country road, so I was walking more than riding. I saw a thunderstorm approaching. I noticed a 2-story farmhouse up ahead and realized it might offer some shelter. I got there and huddled under the eaves as the rain began to fall. A few minutes later, the door opened. A woman stepped out and offered me a black umbrella with a wooden handle. I could not speak German well enough to converse with her, but we nodded and smiled at each other. She went back inside. I opened the umbrella and stood under it. Fifteen minutes later, the rain stopped. I shook it off, folded it, fastened the fabric strap around it, and knocked on the door to return it. She opened the door and I handed it to her, bowing my head in gratitude. But she smiled and motioned to me to keep it. Surprised, I thanked her and resumed my trek.

I kept that umbrella with me for the rest of my trip. I took it with me on the flight home. I kept it for years afterward, even as it got frayed. Every time I would pick it up, I was taken back to that moment and the gracious kindness the woman had shown me. I’ve kept the memory all these years. It’s part of my “inner savings account.”

What lives inside us? Memories of many kinds.

How often do you hear a song that takes you back to a time when you first heard it as it was “deposited” into your memory account? How often does a food remind you of your childhood? How valuable are our spiritual expereinces and beliefs? How vividly do we remember the unexpected kindness of strangers?

Isn’t it the case that, the older we get, the more likely we are to draw something from that account and share it with others while we still can? Unlike monetary bank accounts, withdrawing a memory doesn’t mean you lose it; instead, you are keeping it alive.

I have always appreciated listening to peoples’ stories and keen to know what those experiences have taught them about life. I add them to my storehouse of significant experiences, even though they did not happen to me. Learning from the memoires of others is like investing in a communal “mutual fund.” Sharing stories with family, long-time friends, and in spiritual communities is like having shares in “Mutual Memory Funds” from which we all benefit.

As years go on, our ability to access memories in our own personal account may diminish, which is all the more reason to claim them while we can.

Our “Inner Savings Accounts” and “Mutual Memory Funds” are lifetime investments that don’t get lost in shipwrecks, wildfires, floods or fluctuations in the stock market. They are “high yield accounts.” They live with us and with those with whom we share them. I no longer have that umbrella, but what it means to me will never be lost.

[i] My notes tell me this is attributable to the writer and world traveler Emily Hahn.

A Season of Awe

In recent weeks, I’ve been mulling over Dacher Keltner’s perspective on the different kinds of awe we can experience and how important these experiences are.[i] I’ve also been aware we are in the season of Passover and Easter. For more than 40 years, one of my responsibilities was to find fresh meaning in these stories; it’s a habit I have yet to break. I’ve been wondering: does Keltner’s work offer any insights to the spiritual meaning of the season?

At this point, I’m thinking of five specific points Keltner describes:

Awe-ful experiences. While many experiences of awe are inspiring, we can also feel it when we witness something dark and harrowing, like the events of 9/11, contemplating the holocaust, or personal tragedies.
Awesome experiences: when we experience something beyond our understanding that is mysterious and fills us with wonder.
Moral courage: In Keltner’s research, this is the most frequently reported experience of awe. We feel it when we see someone selflessly take on serious challenges for the good of others: social justice pioneers, foster parents, people navigating serious disabilities and hardships, etc.
Collective effervescence: The powerful feelings we can have when we are part of a group having a shared experience that takes us beyond our ordinary sense of life. This can be at athletic and musical events, moving purposefully in unison, worship services, etc.
Awe-inspired resolve: Witnessing or experiencing awe can give us courage to face difficult situations.

With these in mind, I thought of the Passover and Easter stories in a very basic way. Do these familiar stories contain examples of awe?

Passover

(I am indebted to my Jewish friends and clergy for my understanding of Passover; I hope my comments are valid.)

The Hebrew people are suffering as exploited laborers in Egypt. Moses has a personal divine encounter that directs him to lead them from bondage to freedom. As he confronts Pharoah, seven disasters (“plagues”) fall upon Egypt, each reminders of how vulnerable human life is. When the time is right, the people flee. They come to a body of water but have no way to cross. They look back and see Pharoh’s army coming after them. Death seems certain.

A way through the water appears. The people make their way to the other side, expecting Pharoah’s army to crush them. But the waters return, frustrating Pharoah’s intention. The time of oppression ends and a time of freedom begins. Moses’ sister Miriam leads the people in celebration.

Where are any elements of awe?

The experience of seeing an army approaching determined to destroy you when you are defenseless? Awe-ful.

A mysterious force leads you to a liberated future? Awesome.

Moses’ example, risking his life to lead the struggle? Moral courage.

Joining Miriam in the dance of deliverance? Collective effervescence.

Becoming a source of inspiration? The story has been a constant source of inspiration from the early days of Israel up to the civil rights and liberation movements of our time.

Easter

Yeshua is a peasant who appears in first century Galilee, healing the sick and engaging people of every background. He offers a vision of spiritual life embodied in what he calls “the kingdom of God.” In words and actions, he identifies with the poor and marginalized, assuring them of divine favor. What he says and does threatens the social order. He is arrested, convicted, and sentenced to death. While in custody he is abused. He is paraded through the streets and executed as a public display of the power of the state. The men he chose to follow him flee. As he nears death, he feels even God abandons him.

A few days later, several of his female followers come to his tomb. They begin to have experiences that convince them his personal spirit lives and is present with them. In the days to come, that experience is shared by a growing number of people.

Where are any elements of awe?

Imagining what it would be like to be dying in severe pain, separated from loved ones, and feeling total despair? This is awe-ful.

Becoming convinced he survived the death of his body and is present with his followers — that darkness cannot extinguish divine light, and in the end, love is stronger than death? This is awesome.

Joining the circle of people who experience his risen presence celebrating what this means? Collective effervescence.

Reflecting on his personal journey in those final days and hours, seeing his purpose was to serve and empower others? Moral courage.

Becoming a source of inspiration? The story has inspired countless people, leading them to decide what is worth living for and how to approach death.

I believe both stories contain multiple elements of awe. I have been in gatherings focused on both stories that uplift and inspire me and others. They remind us of what terrifies us. They invite us to see life in a spiritual perspective, encouraging us to know there is light beyond the darkest of circumstances. They teach us that our ancestors have overcome great hardship. They encourage us to share the story, insights, and joy with others through celebration, community, and service. They give us hope and courage.

May we all welcome moments of awe in this season.

Featured image: “Italian Landscape,” Gustav Klimt, 1913

[i] Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life, Dacher Keltner, 2023

[iii] “The Offering of the Pipe,” Black Elk Speaks, John G. Neidhardt, ed., 1932

King Tut and The Early Morning Drop-ins

I am continuing to read and reflect on Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life, by Dacher Keltner. Like many of us, I seek out and welcome experiences of awe wherever I can find them. But I am only now realizing the different ways in which those moments can arise. This week I had two very different experiences that, thanks to Keltner’s work, add to my understanding.

The first was remembering a piece of furniture I saw in 2008 at the “King Tut” traveling exhibit in Los Angeles. I vaguely recall studying Egypt in grammar school; a more vivid association is seeing Steve Martin’s perform “King Tut” (“Born in Arizona, moved to Babylonia… King Tut”). We came into a room which had just one object: in the center, a child’s chair. The description explained that this was the actual chair the 9-year-old Tut sat in when he was first crowned Pharoah. I had to take time to absorb what I was seeing: “This is the exact chair the little guy sat in 1332 BC where he was hailed as a god and Egypt’s ruler? And here I am in Los Angeles in 2008 close enough to touch it?” I tried to fathom how much time had passed between now and then. I tried to imagine what might have been going through the 9-year old’s mind as he sat here for the first time looking at all the people worshipping him. I was in awe.

The next morning, I was sitting in my backyard, waiting for my first cup of coffee to take effect. The sun had just appeared on the horizon and light was coming through our neighbor’s sycamore tree. A few feet away I noticed a single spider web thread waving in the morning air currents; stretching from an oak tree branch to the ground, it must have been 7 feet long. Two feet in front of me was a piece of patio furniture with a vinyl cover. Suddenly a small clump dropped onto it. I wasn’t wearing my glasses — I leaned forward, squinted and wondered “What is that?” A tiny little creature began scurrying away, no bigger than a pencil point. The horizontal rays of the morning sun cast a shadow behind it three times larger than its actual body. Then another little bug emerged from the fallen object and began running in another direction. Then three more. They all took off in opposite directions, hurrying like they were late for work. My best guess was this was a group of just-hatched gnats. I thought about what I was seeing. Until a few moments ago, these little specks of life were all huddled together is a gnat-clump. They all landed like a spaceship on the vinyl cover and now were rushing away from each other to begin their individual lives of adventure. How small their busy brains must be. How fast their mini-hearts must be beating. How strong is their will. I was in awe.

In Keltner’s research, beholding King Tut’s childhood chair in a museum is an example of cultural awe. Being mesmerized by a group of newborn gnats rushing off to start their lives is an example of awe found in nature.

Keltner believes we can find awe in many places. They don’t have to be dramatic events, but can be simple experiences in the midst of our daily life. What such experiences have in common is the emergence of a particular emotion in the face of mysteries we don’t understand. That emotion liberates us from the constant absorption in ourselves and opens us to the fascinating world around us, which becomes a gateway to humility and gratitude. Remembering that decorated little chair and those determined little bugs helped me see my own life in a new perspective. That always feels like a gift.

Lead Image: King Tut’s chair and a solo gnat

This is my third post responding to Keltner’s work. The first was “Rising Above the Phone-Based Culture” (https://drjsb.com/2025/03/01/rising-above-the-phone-based-culture/ and the second was “A Voice in My Mind Said I Feel Awe” (https://drjsb.com/2025/03/29/a-voice-in-my-mind-said-i-feel-awe/

Letting the Sea Speak

What is it about the sea that stirs our imaginations?

What is it about taking a walk on the beach that helps us see life more clearly?

Why is it many of us ask that our ashes be scattered on the ocean?

Many facets of nature can stir our imaginations, offering us metaphors for life and spirituality. Recently I decided to turn my attention to the sea, searching for what it might teach me. Here’s my emerging list…

Like life, the sea is big, mysterious and wonderful. The ocean covers 70% of the earth’s surface and holds 97% of the earth’s water. More than 80% of it has yet to be mapped or seen by humans. Just as a scientific reality, it’s amazing. Isn’t life like that? The millions of years of life evolving into so many forms including us? Looking out on the sea, we are reminded of how small we are and how much we don’t know.

Both the ocean and the divine creating Spirit were here before us and will be here long after we are gone. But here we are in this moment. In the big picture, we may be just “a drop in the ocean.” But here we are. In the time we have we can learn what makes life worthwhile. The Indian mystic Tagore said, “The butterfly counts not months but moments, yet has time enough.”

We walk on the edge. When we take a walk on a beach, we can see what is close to us. But beyond the horizon, the ocean reaches out far beyond our sight. In our own lives, we “walk” through each day based on what is near us, what we can see and understand. But at times we are reminded that so much more of life lies beyond our day-to-day living.

It’s exciting to be on open water. Two years ago, I took a beginning sailing class at the local harbor. I remember the thrill the first time I steered the ship past the breakwater into the open water. It was exhilarating. Sometimes in life, we make a move or start a new chapter, and it feels like that.

In open water we navigate as best we can, but sometimes strong currents come upon us, pulling us in directions we do not want to go. When I was a teenager, our family had a small house in San Clemente where we spent many summers. Every chance I had, I would grab my Duckfeet fins to go bodysurfing. I became confident enough that when distant storms in Mexican waters sent swells up the coast, I could join the veterans who went out to catch the large waves. On one such occasion, I was with a group watching the horizon for the next set. I happened to look back at the shore. The beach looked like it was rapidly moving southward, which seemed strange since I was treading water. Then I the realized the shore was not moving – I was. A strong underwater current had developed and was taking me northward. The next thing I knew a lifeguard came alongside and pulled me up into a boat, ferrying me and others to the pier. I was grateful someone was looking out for us. Unforeseen events in life arise and take us with them; it’s not easy to regain control on our own. It can be frightening. It’s a gift to discover someone sees us and can help.

It’s vital to know how to find a safe harbor when we need it. We can find a safe harbor in life in many ways, including having people we can turn to when we feel “out to sea,” confused or overwhelmed. From a spiritual perspective, it’s a deep blessing to know we have a divine source of courage and wisdom that comes from beyond us. We can access it in prayer, contemplation, Scripture, music, art and community. Countless times I’ve seen a spiritual community reaching out and rescuing someone who’s being overwhelmed by life. It’s a beautiful process to see and reassuring to know.

Every time I ride my bike to the local beach, I feel renewed. Every time we take our grandkids to the beach, they become lost in play. Every time I’ve been part of a committal service which includes casting a loved one’s ashes on the sea, I feel a sense of peace. I’m grateful for all the ways the sea speaks to us.

“A Voice in My Mind Said: I Feel Awe”

Dacher Keltner is a psychology professor at UC Berkeley. For more than 20 years, his research has focused on answering the question, “What makes a good life?” At one point, he felt he had the answer. To test it, he and his team conducted thousands of interviews with people around the world and analyzed the results. What they discovered was also reflected in Keltner’s personal life experiences, including being at the bedside of his dying brother in 2019.

Rolf had been dealing with colon cancer for several years and had decided it was time to take the “cocktail” of prescribed medication that would peacefully bring about his death. After receiving this news, Dacher drove from Berkeley with his wife and daughters, picked up his mother in Sacramento, and arrived at his brother’s house in the foothills of the Sierras at 10 PM, joining other family members at the bedside. Here are excerpts from his account:

Rolf’s face was full and flushed. The sunken eyes and gaunt cheeks caused by colon cancer were gone; the tightened, sagging skin around his mouth smoothed. His lips curled upward at the corners.

I rested my right hand on his left shoulder, a rounded protrusion of bone. I held it the way I would the smooth granite stones we used to find near the rivers we swam in as young brothers.

“Rolf this is Dach.”

“You are the best brother in the world.”

My daughter Natalie laid her hand lightly on his shoulder blades: “We love you Ralf.”

The cycle of his breathing slowed. He was listening. Aware.

Listening to Rolf’s breath, I sensed the vast expense of 55 years of our brotherhood… (at this point, Dach’s mind fills with memories of their many shared adventures including skateboarding, playing on the same Little League team, traveling in Mexico, and being the best man at each other’s wedding) …

I sensed a light radiating from Rolf’s face. It pulsated in concentric circles, spreading outward, touching us as we leaned in with slightly bowed heads. The chatter in my mind, clasping words about the stages of colon cancer, new treatments, lymph nodes, and survival rates, faded. I could sense a force around his body pulling him away. And questions in my mind.

What is Rolf thinking?

What is he feeling?

What does it mean for him to die?

A voice in my mind said: I feel awe.

…Watching Rolf pass, I felt small. Quiet. Humble. Pure. The boundaries that separated me from the outside world faded. I felt surrounded by something vast and warm. My mind was open, curious, aware, wondering.[i]

“A voice in my mind said: I feel awe.” The feeling of awe, Dacher believes, is the most important human emotion we can experience. He and his team concluded there are eight primary ways we can encounter awe; one of them is being at the boundary of life and death.[ii]

I experience awe attending memorial services.

This week I attended a celebration of the life of a legendary local building contractor, John Carter, who lived to be 96. Family, friends and employees shared many stories of his ingenuity, accomplishments, innovations and integrity. One story in particular has lingered in my mind. John was born on a farm in the San Fernando Valley. One day he and his brother decided to dig their way to China using an empty coffee can. They dug for days; the hole became deep enough that they could stand in it. Eventually they gave up. That was the early hint of a life filled with ambitious plans, determination and a love of moving earth and making things. All those qualities were already present when he was a child and had a vision in his mind and a coffee can in his hand. Where do such qualities come from?

A few months ago, I attended a private family graveside service for Joe Jowell, who died at 93. His children and grandchildren recounted highlights of his life. Joe was born and raised in Hawaii. He was a ten-year-old riding his bike on Sunday morning, December 7 when he looked up and wondered why a large group of planes were flying overhead; moments later he saw them dropping bombs on Pearl Harbor. After finishing high school, he moved to San Francisco. He served in the Navy during the Korean War. He then spent five years preparing to become a priest in the Boston Maryknoll Brotherhood. He decided to leave that order to marry and raise a family in Long Beach. Joe became a certified Appliance Repair Technician and worked for Sears for many years. He and his wife were raising five children when she died, leaving him on his own. Later one of his sons took his own life. Joe learned to endure these losses and wanted to help others experiencing grief. He became a Hospice volunteer and served our community for 35 years. I met Joe when I became Director at Hospice of Santa Barbara in 2008 – I was told he was known by his colleagues as “St. Joe.” Sixteen years later I had privilege of hearing his family’s stories at his graveside. If we had seen Joe at Costco or in a hospital hallway, could we have imagined all he’d experienced and how many people he had cared for?

Watching his brother take his last breath, Derik Keltner said: “My mind was open, curious, aware, wondering.” He believes experiencing awe puts us in touch with the mysteries of life. It both humbles and inspires us.

When someone’s life ends, we begin to see what mattered and what it meant. Time and again, I have been filled with awe.

[i] Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life, Dacher Keltner, 2023, pages xxi-xxiii

[ii] The eight categories: moral beauty, collective effervescence, nature, music, visual design, spiritual and religious, awe, life and death, and epiphanies (moments in which a new and grand understanding dawns).

I first came across Keltner’s work as cited by Jonathan Haidt in his book, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness, which was the subject of my recent post, Rising Above the Phone-Based Culture. I expect to share more of Keltner’s findings in the weeks to come.

Photo: Late Afternoon, Goleta Beach, January, 2025

Letting Life Speak Through Us

Sitting quietly in my backyard early on a recent morning, I noticed the roses and shrubs near me. They’d changed since the last time I had seen them. For months they’ve been showing the same dark leaves. But now bright green growth is emerging. They have been waiting for signs the season is changing and now sense the time is right. I wondered: if plants have any level of self-awareness, what’s it like to be so calm and still for so long and then begin to make your move into spring?

Several months ago, I arrived early for mass at the Santa Barbara Mission. I appreciate the respect for privacy and silence which is the norm in Catholic churches. I found a seat in the middle of an empty pew near the rear. Seven or eight others were in solitude, some sitting, others kneeling. I closed my eyes and centered myself, then mentally named blessings and concerns, as well as my wish to be open to new possibilities. Then I opened my eyes and looked around. I thought about the others with whom I was sharing this space and time. I wondered what their own private thoughts and prayers were like. Did their “inner voice” sound like mine? What were they saying or asking for? Here we were, this random group of human beings, each in our own private world of thoughts and feelings. But all wanting to be open to something more.

Recently I gave a presentation to a local men’s group. My topic was how spirituality can be expressed in our everyday work. I shared stories about people who have found meaning in their labor. Afterwards, one of the men came up and handed me a note. He told me it was a question he had used many times to help people find direction: “What is Life trying to express through you?”

I believe the roses and shrubs know: “Our reason is to blossom, flourish and pass Life on.”

At times in my life, I’ve felt clarity about what I am being called to do. Now is a time when I’m not sure what season it is for me. The seasons of our life don’t always follow a set calendar – we must figure them out as we go.

What is Life trying to express through you this season?

A Pie for All Reasons: Tangible Benefits of Doing Good

The small rural church I served in Wapato, Washington needed a new roof. We did not have the money to pay for it. We decided to have a pie auction.

The church was in the Yakima Valley, an ideal region for growing fruit including apples, peaches, nectarines and cherries. Many in our congregation were expert pie-makers. We picked a date and encouraged everyone to bring their best offerings. After the service, we would auction them one by one, hoping to reach our goal.

I got a call from a longtime member asking me to visit. She was no longer able to attend services personally but had heard about the auction. I met with her in her living room. She told me she wanted to contribute to the roof fund and have fun in the process. She told me her plan. I would let the auction get going while choosing a pie that appealed to me. When that one came up, I was to let the bidding build until it felt like it was reaching its peak. At that point, I was to stand and announce that, on her behalf, I was authorized to make a bid in the amount she told me.

On that Sunday, I followed her instructions. I set my eye on a particular cherry pie (I knew the baker had her own backyard tart-cherry tree). The bidding started at $20…went to $25…then $30…then $35…My moment had come. I stood up. The auctioneer called on me. I said, “On behalf of Mrs. –, I bid $2,000.” The room was silent. Then full of laughter and applause. The next day I visited her and told her how it went. She was delighted.

Thanks to her generosity, we raised enough for the roof. We had fun doing it. I got to keep the pie.

You may have heard that if you want to do something for the greater good, there shouldn’t be any personal reward involved – that would be selfish. But it can be a great feeling to know you are doing something good for other people.

Much of what’s best in America is the work of nonprofit organizations. No matter what is happening in our national politics, individuals and communities make a difference. We can help the Girl Scouts and enjoy the cookies. We can support a friend running a marathon, honoring our friendship and the cause they represent. We can support our local school, daycare center, congregation, neighborhood medical clinic, hospice organization, food bank, museum or other cause. What we do can positively impact the lives of others.

When I donate my money or time, I’m proving to myself I’m not helpless. I want to help other people and now I’m putting that desire into action. It feels good.

Sometimes you can have your pie and eat it too.

(The spiritual power of pies seems to be a recurring theme for me…last year I posted The Sky Is In the Pie.)

Pride and Humility

It’s funny how a random comment made by a teacher more than 50 years ago can stick with us.

It was in the middle of a “Spanish 3” class in my sophomore year at UCSB. I don’t remember the teacher’s name, but I remember we all liked him. I don’t remember what the topic was that day – how to conjugate verbs in the subjunctive tense? – or why he got off topic. For some reason he paused and said, “You know, it’s really important to experience both pride and humility in life. One or the other by itself isn’t enough. You need both.”

I’ve never forgotten those words.

Sometimes we finish a difficult task or a creative project and take a minute to realize what we accomplished. We feel pride. Pride helps us feel good about ourselves and builds our confidence for other challenges in life. I believe one of the most important things we can say to our children is “I’m proud of you.” I said that to our father in his last days, and I hope he heard me.

At the same time, we know that misguided pride can lead us astray. “Pride cometh before a fall,” was noted 2500 years ago in the Book of Proverbs.

So we want to keep pride in its place. But we don’t want to lose it.

How about humility? Humility can come when experiencing awe before something amazing in nature, or a work of art, or the moral courage someone displays. Sometimes it comes to us after we realized we’ve made a mistake. Or realize we are not capable of doing something we’d like to do. Or seeing someone who has had a much harder life than us. Being humble calms us down and puts our ego in place. Humility opens us to compassion.

At the same time, we don’t want to let life or people humiliate us. That means we’ve lost touch with our dignity.

I’ve thought about how humility and pride appear in music.

Spiritual music expresses a reverent humility – we are grateful for the forces in life beyond our control that have blessed us – e.g., “Amazing Grace.”

I looked at one list of ten of the most popular songs in recent decades – it includes” Yesterday,” “Hey Jude,” “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” and “Let It Be.” They are songs of longing, sorrow, comfort, friendship, and acceptance – songs of tender humility.

What songs express pride? Patriotic songs do. How about at the Olympics award ceremonies when a gold medalist steps to the top step during the award ceremony and their national anthem is played? They’ve accomplished something rare for their homeland and are being recognized. I find it moving.

A problematic song that comes to my mind is “I Did It My Way,” made famous by Frank Sinatra. Here are the lyrics:

And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I’ll say it clear
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain

I’ve lived a life that’s full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption

I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out

I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way

It’s a stirring song. But I often felt it’s a bit much. What about all the people that helped you along the way? Didn’t you have family members, mentors, teachers, friends, coworkers and supporters? To me it seemed to match Frank Sinatra’s personality and reputation — a big-time guy that got everything he wanted.

But I was intrigued to discover its history. Paul Anka came across it and realized it would be perfect for Sinatra — and it was. But years later, Frank’s daughter Tina said he got to hate the song: “He didn’t like it. That song stuck and he couldn’t get it off his shoe. He always thought that song was self-serving and self-indulgent.”

I misjudged Frank. He knew it went too far.

Is it possible to experience both pride and gratitude at the same time? I think so. I look back on my personal and professional life and am proud of certain accomplishments — but I’m also aware those didn’t happen without the participation and support of many other people.

When it comes to leadership, don’t we want people who can make us feel proud of lasting values we shared and also embody a level of humility that tells us they truly care about other people?

My Spanish teacher wanted us to know something important. It is good to embrace those moments in which we can be proud of what we’ve done. At the same time, we are wise to be humble in response to the blessings in life that come to us. We need both.

Lead Image: Lou Gehrig, known as “The Pride of the Yankees,” speaking at Yankee Stadium on July 4, 1938, as he was ending his career due to his advancing ALCS disease. He said, “Today, I consider myself, the luckiest man on the face of the earth.”