Life Among the Organisms

(Dear Reader: the following are my reflections on a recent personal experience. I know many of you have had similar and far more serious challenges in your journey — I would appreciate hearing your thoughts.)

What Happened

         On Tuesday, June 19, I woke up with a sore back.  The next day I was prescribed muscle relaxants which did not eliminate the problem.  Saturday I was running a fever and went to the ER at our nearby hospital.  Multiple tests confirmed something was amiss, but they were not sure what.  Monday, I went to the downtown hospital for an MRI, which revealed a bacterial infection in the area around my cervical spine; I was admitted to the hospital.  In the days that followed, ongoing blood tests and cultures identified the bacteria as Streptococcus anginosus which could be treated with daily injections of the antibiotic ceftriaxone. Friday,I had a PICC line inserted into my right arm and the treatment began. I was released to go home later that afternoon. Saturday a visiting nurse came to administer the medicine and teach my wife how to do it. We expect this to continue for six weeks. My energy is good, and I am not contagious.

What I Learned

         I have visited many people in hospitals and homes for more than 40 years.  I have seen countless situations more serious than what I experienced.  But in sleepless and idle moments, these personal reflections emerged. 

1. Grateful for modern medicine and skilled doctors.  I asked what would have happened to me if I had this infection in the not-too distant past or was living in a Third World country. The doctor said the infection would spread to other parts of my body, probably my heart and brain, and eventually take my life.  I have a fresh appreciation for the medical training, experience and technology that has been focused on my diagnosis and recovery.
2. It’s strange to be confined to one room for five days.  This was the first time in my adult life I was an inpatient more than one night.  At times it’s disorienting to be confined around the clock.  But I’m grateful I had a room in the old wing of the hospital that had a view of the mountains.  And I am also grateful I carry around with me a well-equipped inner sanctuary, where I go to recite prayers and meditations I have come to cherish over the years.  (My favorites are the 23^rd Psalm and the Orthodox “Serene Light” prayer.[i])
3. Renewed appreciation for everyday comforts at home.  My own bed with real sheets and pillows.  Our dog napping near me when I am resting. Coffee I can make anytime I want. Privacy. Freedom.
4. Fresh appreciation for family caregivers.  My wife has had to track all that has happened and now is in the role of a nurse giving injections.  Caregivers carry a lot on their shoulders and in their mind.
5. The bacteria and I are both biological organisms pursuing our own aims.  After the doctors described the bacteria to me, I tried to fathom the fact that this tiny organism had found a way to get into my blood stream and then decided to colonize the area around my cervical spine.  It seemed to me an insidious act – a personal affront! — and I felt anger.   But then I thought that this bacteria is just one more organism in the vast realm of living entities doing what they are designed to do: survive as best as best it can.  (The words from the Godfather came to mind: “It’s not personal, it’s strictly business.”)  But I also thought, “And I am an organism who wants to survive. And I’m going to do all I can to eradicate you from my body.  I’ve got lots of resources on my side.  We are going to get you.  It’s not personal, it’s strictly business.”
6. Empathy for people whose challenges are far beyond mine.  My treatment may last as little as six weeks, and I am otherwise in good health. But I caught at least a glimpse of what something far more serious may be like.
7. A new opportunity to appreciate the gift of life.  I have been around illness and mortality often.  I have often contemplated when and how my own life will end. But it’s one thing to think about mortality when we are healthy and another when our basic health is in question.  I’m grateful to be alive. 

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[i] “Turning Towards the Serene Light”, PocketEpiphanies blog post, July 16, 2022