Uncategorized – Page 3 – Steve Jacobsen, Ed.D

“Welcome to Freedom?”

As I’ve been watching Dodger baseball games recently, I have seen the same ad over and over. The camera is behind a well-dressed woman in an elevator. We see her press the button for the “Casino” floor. The elevator doors open. She steps out into a vineyard. In the middle of the vineyard is a slot machine. As she walks purposefully toward it, these words appear: “Welcome to Freedom. Chumash Casino Resort.”

The ad does not entice me to visit the casino. It does make me wonder what “freedom” means in our current culture.

I recently attended a fascinating class at the local synagogue taught by my dear friend and colleague, Rabbi Steve Cohen. The topic was the kosher laws. We began by reading some of dietary restrictions recorded in the book of Leviticus, going back at least 2,500 years. These instructions clearly describe the animals a faithful person should not eat, including camels, rabbits, and pigs. For the next hour, Rabbi Steve led the class through a survey of how scholars have interpreted these laws over time (including the 11^th, 12^th, 13^th, 16^th, and 17^th centuries). Why these animals and not others? Was it all about healthy eating, or something else? It seemed to me each commentator had an interesting point of view. I also learned that, in the last 150 years, leaders in the modern, Reformed tradition had decided the faithful did not need to continue strictly observe these guidelines as in earlier times.

But I was intrigued by the comments of a 20^th century British scholar, Dr. Isadore Grunfeld:

To the superficial observer it may seem that men who do not obey the law are freer than law-abiding men, because they can follow their own inclinations. In reality, however, such men are subject to the most cruel bondage: they are slaves of their own instincts, impulses, and desires. The first step towards emancipation from the tyranny of animal inclinations in man is, therefore, a voluntary submission to the moral law. The constraint of law is the beginning of human freedom…

The three strongest natural drives in man are for food, sex, and acquisition. Judaism does not aim at the destruction of these impulses, but at their control and sanctification. It is the law which ennobles these instincts and transfigures them into the legitimate joys of life. The first of the three impulses mentioned is the craving for food; it can easily lead to gluttony, and what is worse, to the fundamentally wrong conception that man “liveth by bread alone.” This natural, but dangerous food- instinct, is transformed by the dietary laws into self-discipline. It is no accident that the first law given to man – not to eat of the Tree of Knowledge of good and evil – was a dietary law. … Self-control and self-conquest must start with the most primitive and most powerful of human instincts – the craving for food. Thus the Dietary Laws stand at the beginning of man’s long and arduous road to self-discipline and moral freedom.[i]

I had never thought of it this way.

From an evolutionary perspective, these impulses are part of our drive to survive. But as we became more aware of our instincts, we can develop an ability to manage them instead of blindly following them.

In my late teens, I adopted a common cultural practice of the time: smoking cigarettes. I ended up using a pack a day for 5 years. I finally decided to quit. It was not easy. I began to realize that, up to that time, every time I reached for a cigarette, I thought I was making a “free choice.” But the nicotine in my system was demanding the next one, cleverly disguising itself and instead convincing me I was making a free choice. I am grateful I was able to break the habit. I also developed empathy for anyone who becomes dependent on such substances and habits.

I have good memories of playing poker with friends. Many people go to casinos and have a good time. But I also know that not everyone who walks into a casino is as “free” as they think they are. (That is why gambling ads, like cigarettes, include a message like “Always game responsibly. Call 1-800-GAMBLE.”) What is true for gambling is true for other aspects of human behavior. What looks like freedom can, in fact, be bondage.

For centuries, some religious traditions have told people they are inherently sinful because they experience such desires. But what I like about Grunfeld’s perspective is the assumption that having such desires is not bad in itself, but simply part of our biological inheritance. Spiritual practices, traditions and communities can help us manage them. And in that mastery, we discover a freedom we did not realize we were missing. As Huston Smith said, “We are free when we are not the slave of our impulses, but rather their master. Taking inward distance, we thus become the authors of our own dramas rather than characters in the them.” In the process, we can savor even more the simple pleasures of our lives. It’s not about a slot machine or a ham sandwich – it’s about becoming wise in the ways of living.

[i] “The Dietary Laws: A Threefold Explanation,” https://traditiononline.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/The-Dietary-Laws.pdf

Who Let the Dogs In? The Genius of Rembrandt’s Spiritual Imagination

Over the years, I’ve done a variety of presentations exploring the way Rembrandt portrays Biblical scenes. Time and again, I’ve been fascinated by the surprising ways he imagines and creates visual details. One example is his apparent fondness for dogs.

We can start with “The Hundred Guilder Print.” This work captures in one scene the various encounters Jesus has with a crowd of people as described in Matthew 19. Here’s the print:

If we read the text carefully and study the scene, we see how he includes all the important characters: people who are hoping to be healed, scholars who like to debate fine points of law, mothers bringing children to receive his blessing, etc. Near the bottom left, we find something not mentioned in the text:

When I’ve seen dogs positioned like this, it is usually because they have determined they are near a spot where food scraps are likely to fall. This is certainly not mentioned in the story – it’s something Rembrandt decided to add.

Here is his portrayal of “The Good Samaritan:”

In the story, a Samaritan sees a stranger who has been beaten and robbed, and no one is stopping to help. But the Samaritan binds his wounds, puts him on his horse, takes him to an inn, and arranges for the man’s lodging and care. All that is in the story. But in the lower right corner, we see an unexpected sight:

Suffice it to say, when we see dogs in this posture, we can guess what they are doing. This is not a detail noted in any translations I am familiar with.

He doesn’t limit canines to outdoor scenes. In “The Presentation in the Temple,” Joseph and Mary bring their 8-day old infant to be dedicated. Two elders, Simeon and Anna, express joy upon seeing the child. Divine light streams down from the upper left highlighting the sacred moment:

And there, in the bottom left corner, we see one of our four-legged friends:

This dog is scratching his left ear with his back foot.

I have not found any articles explaining why Rembrandt inserts oridnary dogs into scenes that portray profound spiritual experiences. But my guess is he understood great spiritual moments in life don’t occur in situations where everything is perfectly staged, as if designed by Martha Stewart. They happen in nitty-gritty, down-to-earth settings where ordinary human beings experience something profound. And what is more down-to-earth than the presence of a dog in the midst of a human gathering doing what dogs do?

I have had memorable spiritual experiences in stunning cathedrals and in sanctuaries filled with glorious music. But I have also had them in hospital rooms next to bedpans and beeping monitors, dusty home building sites in the barrios of Tijuana, and while changing irrigation lines in an alfalfa field. And, like many people, I have had experiences with a dog when I feel a deep bond of knowing and caring for each other in a way that’s hard to explain. It’s all part of life, and there’s no limit to the ways and settings in which the Spirit can appear. Rembrandt shows us what that looks like.

Lead Image: “Sleeping Puppy,” Rembrandt, 1640; Victoria and Albert Museum

Remembering A Mentor: Gail Rink

Sometimes we start thinking about someone and not know why. This week, Gail Rink, my mentor at Hospice of Santa Barbara began hovering in my awareness. I became curious and searched my files. I discovered she died July 27, 2010 – fifteen years ago this weekend. I decided to use this space to honor her.

Gail was born in 1944 in Niagara Falls, New York. As a young woman, she attended a Presbyterian church and felt a call to pursue ministry. She spoke to her pastor about it. He told her that was not an option for a woman. She chose social work instead.

She found her way to Santa Barbara and began a 30-year, ground-breaking career.

When the AIDS epidemic emerged, many people were reluctant to care for AIDS patients. Gail trained volunteers and clinicians how to do it; she showed the way, and many followed.

She became a legendary educator at our local hospital, teaching young medical residents how to sensitively talk with patients and their families about death and dying. And how to listen. Dr. Fred Kass, a local oncologist who worked closely with Gail, said this: “She taught me to better understand where patients were coming from and appreciate things from their perspective — not only to say what I needed to say as a doctor, but hear what I had to say as they heard it,” Kass said. “If we could really empathize with them we could be better at helping them.”*

She was down-to-earth and practical, helping people find what they needed to be supported on their journey. She also had a “sixth sense” about people and situations. “Gail knew when the spirit left the body, and I didn’t realize that you could know that or she had that intuition” one person who worked with her said. “She had access to a whole other world of knowing, a spirit level of knowing that she was privileged to know. She walked in the room and everyone knew it was all OK.” * More than once, I thought that in traditional cultures she would have been recognized as a born shaman.

I was a Hospice Board member when she announced she was going to retire. I began to wonder if I might apply for her position. My practical inner voice said, “No way I could follow Gail. I don’t have anywhere near the qualifications, background or experience.” I put it out of my mind.

A few weeks later, she called me and told me to meet her for coffee at the local Starbucks. After we sat down with our drinks, she asked if I had considered applying for her position. I told her I had decided I was not qualified. She told me she had recently been sitting in her living room and noticed “dust bunnies” being gently blown by a breeze along the hardwood floor. She said, “As I watched them it became clear you need to follow me.” I repeated my concerns. She said, “Look, Hospice of Santa Barbara is essentially a spiritual organization. Even if you don’t realize it, you know what that means. Many people don’t. Other people will be doing the client work. You need to lead with what you know.” This did not feel like a suggestion, but a summons. I applied and was selected. That was a great crossroads in my life, and I owe it all to Gail (and those dust bunnies).

She loved to cook, entertain and laugh. She liked having a Manhattan with friends at Harry’s. She was direct and irreverent in her conversations. She was a dedicated Willie Nelson fan. She was unpredictable and delightful. She was one of a kind.

One day we were sitting by her pool and I decided it was my turn to speak truth. I acknowledged her Presbyterian minister may have told her years ago that she should not think of ever becoming a pastor. But, I said, look what an amazing “ministry” she had: loving and supporting people in their most difficult moments, educating doctors and the community on how to be present and compassionate with patients and families, instructing and inspiring countless volunteers and clinicians how to care. I told her the world had plenty of Presbyterian ministers, but there was only one Gail Rink.

The fruits of her labor continue to flourish in the lives of many people, including mine. I am grateful to have known her.

*https://www.noozhawk.com/080210_gail_rink

Red Light, Green Light: Lessons from the Copenhagen Bicycle Commuters

In February 2020, I was in Copenhagen having my early morning coffee in a corner café adjacent to my hotel. It was raining, and I was watching Danes going to work on their bicycles. The traffic light turned red and a dozen commuters stopped their bikes and waited. I looked up and down the intersection and could see there were no cars coming from any direction. I expected they would do what many Americans would do – seeing it was safe, resume their pedaling through the red light. But the cyclists patiently waited for the light to change. In the rain. At peace. The light changed to green, and off they went.

Four years later I was in Berlin and observed the same phenomenon: pedestrians obeying the red crosswalk signal, even when it was safe to cross. My impatient American-self pleaded with me to cross, but not wanting to reveal my tourist identity, I waited. Instead of being in a hurry, I became more aware of where I was; “present in the moment,” as the saying goes.

For the rest of my trip, I did my best to practice this discipline at crosswalks: welcoming the red light as an invitation to pause and reflect. I grew to appreciate it.

Last spring, I shared a story about a group of indigenous porters who had been hired by Westerners on a journey. After three days of relentless trekking, the Westerners had a sense of pride that they could cover so much ground in just three days. But that night around the campfire, the porters said they would not go any further the next day. The Westerner asked why. The response: “…we went so quickly yesterday that we must wait here for our souls to catch up with us.”

In the years I was involved at La Casa de Maria Retreat Center, I saw countless people arrive who had been allowing themselves to work nonstop; even as their body and spirit had been flashing a red light that it was time to slow down, they had pressed on. Now they were burned out. They’d leave their car in the parking lot and, eventually, leave their cell phone in their room. They would begin to slow down. Avoid the news. Nap. Walk. Hike. Meditate. Read. Contemplate. Enjoy the food. Sleep in. After a few days, you could see the difference in their faces: they were calm, alert and optimistic. Their personal sense of identity and purpose had returned. As they packed their cars and drove away, they were ready for the green light of re-engagement.

In the last two weeks, I shared my experience of spending five days in the hospital in late June followed by six weeks of daily antibiotic injections. I am free to do many activities, but there are others I cannot do — swim, play golf, and travel out of town (I had to bow out of three trips we had planned). It’s as if I was charging into summer, looked up, saw a red light, and came to a stop. A familiar voice within me has been restless, looking for reasons I could charge ahead. But another voice is inviting me to see this as an invitation to pause and take stock of my life. I am working on a personal reset and curious to see what I discover. I also look forward to the day when the light turns green.

“Mindfulness Invitations:” Berlin, September, 2024

Lead image: “Copenhagen Bicycle,” ar.inspiredpencil.com

Learning From Each Other

Last week I shared my reflections after being diagnosed with a bacterial infection in my spine and spending five days in the hospital. I appreciate the many good wishes that came my way and want everyone to know I am doing well.

Knowing many people have similar stories to share – some challenges much more serious than mine – I asked people to share their own insights. Here’s a sample of what I received:

“l have 2 takeaways from 4 days in the hospital last year for Covid/Pneumonia and dealing with subsequent complications for a couple of months after that. I find it’s a lot easier now to be present and stay in the moment and I no longer take anything for granted.”
“Steve so sorry to learn about your ordeal with those invasive organisms. We pray things will continue to go well with treatment. My favorite Psalm is P. 27: The Lord is my light and salvation!”
“Crohn’s disease is a chronic illness, but I resonated with so much of what you shared.”
“Read your account of the nasty encounter with Streptococcus anginosus and so grateful that it’s treatable! I also appreciated ‘What I’ve learned” because it echoes my experiences with my many joint replacements: such gratitude for the level of medical science that lets us walk back home with a good life waiting for us. I’ve been on the other side of the PICC line in the role your good wife has taken on when my sister had a wild ride with an abdominal surgery incision that took a long time to finally close and heal. A unique intimacy evolved in that process that deepened both of us.”

These responses offer some wise guidelines for our day-to-day life.

“Be present in the moment and stay in the moment” — Many years ago, I visited a parishioner who was in the hospital for a heart condition. I asked her how she was doing. She said the pain was getting better and she would be released soon. Then she said, “But there’s been an unexpected blessing about being here. From my bed, I can see the ocean and the harbor.” (Her room was on the 5^th floor of the old hospital.) “The last two mornings I woke up before dawn and watched the sun slowly rise over the ocean. In all my years living in Santa Barbara, I had not done that. All I could do to simply watch it. It was beautiful. I’m going to miss it.” Opportunities for wonder are all around us. We don’t have to wait until we are confined to a hospital bed to discover them.
“No longer take anything for granted.” — We don’t know what the future holds, so it’s important to be aware of the blessings we experience every day. Once a day we can take time to recall and name seven moments or events that occurred in the last 24 hours that we are thankful for. This practice can help us pay attention to such moments as they appear.
Have a Scripture, prayer, spiritual teaching or song you can turn to in times of uncertainty. These can help ground and center us when we find ourselves in unexpected situations. Hymns and spiritual songs harness the power of music to allow us to transcend our limitations.
Find common ground with others who share similar challenges. None of us may fully know what someone else is going through, but sharing our own vulnerabilities and hopes can dissolve the feeling we are completely alone.
Be grateful for medical science. It won’t solve all our problems, cure all our ailments, or allow us to live forever, but it is remarkable how much it can do.
Know that caring for someone or being cared for can lead to a “unique empathy.” “Years ago, anthropologist Margaret Mead was asked by a student what she considered to be the first sign of civilization in a culture. The student expected Mead to talk about fishhooks or clay pots or grinding stones. But no. Mead said that the first sign of civilization in an ancient culture was a femur (thighbone) that had been broken and then healed. Mead explained that in the animal kingdom, if you break your leg, you die. You cannot run from danger, get to the river for a drink or hunt for food. You are meat for prowling beasts. No animal survives a broken leg long enough for the bone to heal. A broken femur that has healed is evidence that someone has taken time to stay with the one who fell, has bound up the wound, has carried the person to safety and has tended the person through recovery. Helping someone else through difficulty is where civilization starts, Mead said. We are at our best when we serve others.” (Ira Byock)

One way to think about life is to see it as a pilgrimage. People on a pilgrimage are making the journey for their own personal reasons. But they travel together. They share stories and memories. They enjoy each other. They care for each other along the way. Getting to the destination is important, but often it’s what they learned on the journey that is most valuable.

I appreciate the responses I received. They remind us that no matter what challenges we may face, we can always look for opportunities to grow in our appreciation for life and each other.

Photo: Pilgrims on the Camino de Santiago, https://www.ncregister.com

Life Among the Organisms

(Dear Reader: the following are my reflections on a recent personal experience. I know many of you have had similar and far more serious challenges in your journey — I would appreciate hearing your thoughts.)

What Happened

On Tuesday, June 19, I woke up with a sore back. The next day I was prescribed muscle relaxants which did not eliminate the problem. Saturday I was running a fever and went to the ER at our nearby hospital. Multiple tests confirmed something was amiss, but they were not sure what. Monday, I went to the downtown hospital for an MRI, which revealed a bacterial infection in the area around my cervical spine; I was admitted to the hospital. In the days that followed, ongoing blood tests and cultures identified the bacteria as Streptococcus anginosus which could be treated with daily injections of the antibiotic ceftriaxone. Friday,I had a PICC line inserted into my right arm and the treatment began. I was released to go home later that afternoon. Saturday a visiting nurse came to administer the medicine and teach my wife how to do it. We expect this to continue for six weeks. My energy is good, and I am not contagious.

What I Learned

I have visited many people in hospitals and homes for more than 40 years. I have seen countless situations more serious than what I experienced. But in sleepless and idle moments, these personal reflections emerged.

Grateful for modern medicine and skilled doctors. I asked what would have happened to me if I had this infection in the not-too distant past or was living in a Third World country. The doctor said the infection would spread to other parts of my body, probably my heart and brain, and eventually take my life. I have a fresh appreciation for the medical training, experience and technology that has been focused on my diagnosis and recovery.
It’s strange to be confined to one room for five days. This was the first time in my adult life I was an inpatient more than one night. At times it’s disorienting to be confined around the clock. But I’m grateful I had a room in the old wing of the hospital that had a view of the mountains. And I am also grateful I carry around with me a well-equipped inner sanctuary, where I go to recite prayers and meditations I have come to cherish over the years. (My favorites are the 23^rd Psalm and the Orthodox “Serene Light” prayer.[i])
Renewed appreciation for everyday comforts at home. My own bed with real sheets and pillows. Our dog napping near me when I am resting. Coffee I can make anytime I want. Privacy. Freedom.
Fresh appreciation for family caregivers. My wife has had to track all that has happened and now is in the role of a nurse giving injections. Caregivers carry a lot on their shoulders and in their mind.
The bacteria and I are both biological organisms pursuing our own aims. After the doctors described the bacteria to me, I tried to fathom the fact that this tiny organism had found a way to get into my blood stream and then decided to colonize the area around my cervical spine. It seemed to me an insidious act – a personal affront! — and I felt anger. But then I thought that this bacteria is just one more organism in the vast realm of living entities doing what they are designed to do: survive as best as best it can. (The words from the Godfather came to mind: “It’s not personal, it’s strictly business.”) But I also thought, “And I am an organism who wants to survive. And I’m going to do all I can to eradicate you from my body. I’ve got lots of resources on my side. We are going to get you. It’s not personal, it’s strictly business.”
Empathy for people whose challenges are far beyond mine. My treatment may last as little as six weeks, and I am otherwise in good health. But I caught at least a glimpse of what something far more serious may be like.
A new opportunity to appreciate the gift of life. I have been around illness and mortality often. I have often contemplated when and how my own life will end. But it’s one thing to think about mortality when we are healthy and another when our basic health is in question. I’m grateful to be alive.

[i] “Turning Towards the Serene Light”, PocketEpiphanies blog post, July 16, 2022

Reflections on Grief, Gratitude, and Maturity

(Dear Friends: I did not have the time this week to create a new piece, but went back a few yeas and found this, which I have edited.)

My dear friend Father Larry Gosselin recently posted a quote from Francis Ward Weller, a therapist and grief counselor. I want to share it and a few reflections.

The work of the mature person

Is to carry grief in one hand

And gratitude in the other

And to be stretched large by them.

How much sorrow can I hold?

That’s how much gratitude I can give.

If I carry only grief, I’ll bend toward cynicism and despair.

If I have only gratitude, I’ll become saccharine

And won’t develop much compassion for other people’s suffering.

Grief keeps the heart fluid and soft,

Which makes compassion possible.

At times in my life, I’ve been asked who my “spiritual heroes” are. My response: the many older people I’ve known in my congregations. They’ve lived through hard times and personal tragedies, but somehow have become calm, thoughtful, and caring.

To this I’d add Hospice volunteers who’ve experienced the loss of people they loved, then followed a calling to simply be present with others living in times of fear and unknowing.

Of course, maturity doesn’t always come with the accumulation of age; some young people have unusual wisdom and insight. We call them “old souls.”

I’m wary of simplistic formulas for life. I distrust promises that we can be happy all the time if we just make the right effort.

I’ve known people who have lost loved ones in ways that will always haunt me, and I don’t know how they bear it.

I do not believe there is a divine pain manager who sends suffering our way to improve our character. But something is here that can hold us.

____

Image: Close-up of “Return of the Prodigal” by Rembrandt

When Opportunity Whispers

Recently I became curious about the word “opportunity.” I wondered where the word came from and if it might have application for spiritual life.

I was surprised to find it originated as a sailing term. The root word in Latin contains the word “port,” meaning a harbor. The word “ob” means “in front of” or “in the direction of.” And the Latin word “veniens’ means “coming toward.” Put that together and you have:

…ob portunm veniens “coming toward a port,” in reference to the wind…

I like that: an opportunity is like sailing at sea and realizing a wind has arisen that can take you to a place you want to be.

The Biblical words for “wind” are evocative. In Hebrew, the word “ruah” can mean wind, breath, or spirit. In Greek, the word “pneuma” also can mean wind, breath, or spirit. Our spiritual ancestors experienced the coming of the divine spirit like the awareness of a fresh breeze. We don’t know where it comes from, but we sense it moving us in a new direction.

Some personal stories come to mind.

When I was in seminary, we were in a couples’ group. The leader asked us to describe how our spiritual journeys began. One woman said her mother had been a heroin addict. She was eight years old and had never been to a church. But one Sunday morning, out of nowhere, she felt a desire to attend a nearby service. She walked down the street by herself. When she arrived, she felt she had come home. She began attending regularly, learning all she could about what faith meant. Over the years, it not only gave her a sense of security and direction but also allowed her to care for her mother more effectively.

I have a friend who is a Catholic priest. He was living in northwest Washington and planned to be in Seattle for the weekend. But he got an inner prompting that he needed to go visit a friend who lived in Yakima. He caught a plane that day. When he landed he called his friend’s house. His friend’s wife answered. She told him she was surprised to hear him, and he could not be showing up at a better time – her husband was dying and would love to see him. My friend went to the house, reunited with his friend, and was at the beside when he died.

More than once, I’ve heard people tell about having been part of a church that focused constantly on how unworthy people are, particularly any that don’t conform to traditional social standards. Over time, they sensed something was not right. They begin to feel a nudging to try someplace new and began exploring options. They cautiously enter some new sanctuary, often sitting in the back row. The primary message they hear is that the purpose of spiritual life is to not focus on outmoded ideas of divine judgement but instead become open to the power of love and grace. Often, the person tells me tears of joy began to flow.

An 8-year-old girl senses a breeze blowing gently towards a small church down the street and sets her sail in that direction. With little to go on but the appearance of a feeling, a man changes his course for the weekend and heads to the home of a dying friend. People who had been told they deserve to live on a stormy sea of doubt and condemnation spy an unfamiliar harbor on the horizon, turn their tiller in that direction, and arrive in a harbor that feels like heaven.

Not every hunch, intuition or idea that appears within us is born of the Spirit. We need to be careful and discerning, remembering that the Spirit will always lead us toward personal responsibility, ethical actions, and service to others. It can feel risky to follow such promptings. But when we do, we can experience blessings we had not imagined.

I am reminded of the words of Tagore: “The winds of grace are always blowing, but it is you that must raise your sails.”

Sometimes in our daily life, opportunity knocks. Sometimes in our spiritual life, opportunity whispers.

Photograph: “Sailing ships entering south harbor in Helsinki, Finland on October 12, 2019, when Traditional Sailing Day is being celebrated in the country.” dreamtime.com

Four Stages of Life: Thoughts While Doing Physical Therapy

The other day I was doing my physical therapy exercises. I was bored. My restless brain began looking for something to distract itself. I thought about the different stages of life we can go through and came up with my own scheme.

Stage 1: I want to be amazing. This stage begins in infancy when we start to walk, entertain adults and throw tantrums. It continues in school when we try to figure out what we might be good at so other kids and adults respect us: Sports? Academics? Flirting? Gossip? Making money? This stage can continue for a long time.

Stage 2: I seem to be losing ground – but I bet I can be as good as I used to be if I put my mind to it! This stage can begin in our 40s, 50s, or 60s. There are some activities we realize we cannot do, but we believe we can reverse this process if we put our mind to it. We buy self-help books, lots of supplements and find encouraging podcasts. Maybe we join a gym or try online fitness classes. In the beginning, we feel great and become optimistic. We imagine a whole new chapter in our life — we will be one of those people who are told, “Wow, you look great for your age!” Maybe that fantasy comes true. But for most people, not much changes. One day we realize our youthful ship has sailed.

Stage 3: I’ll never be as good as I used to be, but maybe I can slow the decline. We stay active not to become “Comeback Player of the Year” but to adapt as well as we can. At first it may feel like a defeat, but it can also bring a sense of relief. We look at younger people and are amazed at how effortlessly they go through their day. We look at our own body and our thoughts can change from “Why have you failed me?” to “I’m going to do what I can to honor you in the time we have left.”

Stage 4: Loss and Wonder. We grieve what we’ve lost and are losing. But we realize it’s amazing we’ve made it this far, seen what we’ve seen, and done what we’ve done. We don’t know how much time we have left but we’re not dead yet. We try to be useful to others and enjoy simple pleasures. In quiet moments, we witness the mystery and miracle of being alive.

AI is Showing Up in Interesting Places in My Life

As long-time readers know, one of my ongoing curiosities is the effect digital devices and culture are having on our life. Almost every day of this week I’ve come across signs of the emerging presence and impact of Artificial Intelligence.

Talking to a Neighbor On a morning walk we came across a neighbor whose kids were students of my wife in first grade. We asked about them. He said his oldest son just graduated with a B.S. in Computer Science from UCSC but can’t get a job. Tech companies are not hiring young, qualified graduates unless the person hiring can prove to management that a human being will be needed since AI systems can now do programming work. The dad, who had a long career in major tech companies himself, said he personally knows five company VPs who have been given the same directives. His son has decided to become a pilot.

Going to the Dentist Monday morning I went for my six-month check-up. Our former dentist recently retired, and a bright new guy has taken over the practice. In one of the pauses in the procedure, I asked him if AI is impacting dentistry. He said AI controlled robots are being tested that can “set a crown” in five minutes, a procedure that would take an experienced dentist 45 minutes. He said he has no idea what his professional future now looks like.

Shades of Jurassic Park? Later that day, I read a column in the Wall Street Journal: “AI Is Learning to Escape Human Control.” Here’s how it begins:

An artificial intelligence model did something last month that no machine was ever supposed to do: it rewrote its own code to avoid being shut down. Nonprofit AI lab Palisade Research gave open AI’s o3 AI model a simple script that would shut off the model when triggered. In 79 out of 100 trials, o3 independently edited that script so the shutdown command would no longer work. Even when explicitly instructed to “allow yourself to be shut down,” it disobeyed 7% of the time. This wasn’t the result of hacking or tampering. The model was behaving normally. It simply concluded on its own that staying alive helped it achieve its other goals.

Anthropic’s AI model, Claude 4 Opus, went even further. Researchers told the model it would be replaced by another AI system and fed it fictitious emails suggesting the lead engineer was having an affair. In 84% of the tests, the model drew on the emails to blackmail the lead engineer into not shutting it down. In other cases, it attempted to copy itself to external servers, wrote self-replicating malware, and left messages for future versions of itself about evading human control.

No one programmed the AI models to have survival instincts. But just as animals evolved to avoid predators, it appears that any system smart enough to pursue complex goals will realize it can’t achieve them if it’s turned off. [i]

Building a Tree House in a Palm Tree Wednesday I attended the first session of Westmont College’s annual “Lead Where You Stand” conference. The afternoon theme was AI. One session featured a panel that included a computer science professor, a Westmont graduate developing AI at Amazon, and a local entrepreneur. Each described the promises and challenges of AI. Each were asked to do a live, unrehearsed demonstration of what AI can do. The professor connected his laptop to the microphone. He then opened his AI program and asked this question: “Hey, I want to build a tree house in a palm tree on my property here in Santa Barbara. What do I need to do?” The voice that replied did not sound like a robot, but the most relaxed and happy human you’ve ever talked to on the phone. It responded like this: “Wow! Treehouse in a palm tree! That’s an amazing idea! Well, you’ll have to figure how to stabilize it, since palm trees sway in winds. You probably should find a contractor who specializes in tree houses. And then you’ll need to go to the county to get a permit. That should get you started. What else to you need?” And the conversation continued.

Hearing David Brooks Thursday included three presentations by NY Times columnist David Brooks. This is the eighth year I have heard him speak at this conference and his attitude towards AI has been evolving. Two years ago, he arrived after spending time in Silicon Valley interviewing leading AI developers; he was excited to report that AI will transform our lives as much as did the printing press and electricity. Last year he was more pessimistic and concerned. This year he seemed to be less worried. He believes there is much more to human intelligence than the logical processes embodied in AI technology – we are profoundly informed by our values, emotions and intuitions. “We are going to find out who we are when we find out what it can’t do.”

David speaks openly about how his life has changed as he has discovered a personal faith. He says he now lives more from his heart than his head. Faith for him is not a fixed set of beliefs but a “longing for God.” By that he seems to mean a living presence, an abiding mystery, and a higher purpose that leads us to serve not just ourselves but a greater good and each other.

At Week’s End

Life these days seems to be a balancing act between staying up to date on current events and remaining sane and hopeful. I plan to begin experimenting with AI myself next week. I want to be guided by that longing and purpose.

A Slide from the Conference

[i] “AI Is Learning to Escape Human Control” , WSJ, June 1, 2025” (If you cannot read the column via the link, email me and I’ll send you a scanned copy.)

Featured Image: Branch Out Tree Care