wisdom – Page 8 – Steve Jacobsen, Ed.D

Can Anyone Come Out and Play?

It took me a minute to get the point of this recent New Yorker cover:

…eventually, I figured it out: the cat is immersed in chasing the animated mice in the video game on the tablet. In the background, real mice are having a party. “When the cat’s away, the mice will play.” The cat’s body is not “away” – it’s in the same physical space as the mice — but its attention is not there; it’s captivated by the screen.

Everywhere we turn, people’s attention is on their screens instead of their immediate surroundings. Brilliantly designed digital clickbait has become our culture’s catnip.

My thoughts turn to one of my favorite paintings, “Children’s Games” (Brueghel, 1560):

As I noted in a post three years ago,[i] there are 80 different games portrayed here: playing with dolls, shooting water guns, wearing masks, climbing a fence, doing a handstand, Blind Man’s Bluff, making soap bubbles, walking on stilts, riding a hobby horse made from a stick, playing with balloons (before latex, made from a pig’s bladder), catching insects, climbing a tree, and 68 others. This was almost 500 years ago — before electricity, the microchip, Big Tech, and AI. Kids left alone and unplugged find things and create.

A current bestseller is The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. Haidt shows how the advent of the digital age has led to increasing isolation among teenagers, which in turn has contributed to a rise in depression and suicide. He notes that many of the tech innovators in Silicon Valley restrict their own children’s screentime, then lead business ventures that will profit from making screens even more addictive. Haidt encourages families and schools to restrict screentime and instead let kids be on their own more often to find out how real life works. He founded “Let Grow,” an organization creating resources for families and schools to nurture kids’ character and self-reliance.

Two afternoons a week we care for our grandsons, ages 6 and 8. They come to our house after school and have a snack. We let them watch 20 minutes of a favorite show (currently a guide to building more complex “Minecraft” structures on their tablets). Then we turn the television off and discuss what’s next: board games, crafts, gardening, or some sport.

Recently my wife had to take the 8-year-old to an early baseball practice, so I had 45 minutes with the 6-year-old. We went out into the backyard to hit whiffle balls. We used to have ten plastic balls, but as the boys have gotten stronger, their hitting prowess has led to nine being lost over the fence and elsewhere. We started playing with the last one, the old savvy veteran pitching tossing to the promising rookie. Soon the ball disappeared over the neighbor’s fence. But I found a partially cracked plastic golf ball buried in the bushes. I asked if he wanted to see if he could hit it. He liked the challenge and got some great whacks. In the process, the crack expanded. We were sure one more solid hit would split it in two. But the time came for me to take him home. Last seen, the little broken ball had fled into the bushes to survive for another day.

We had just spent 20 minutes playing with a whiffle bat and a broken plastic golf ball. What we did was not planned or packaged. It was improvised. It was fun. It was physical and mental. Our bodies, attention, and minds were all present in real time, interacting with each other and the surrounding environment.

Tech marches on. I look forward to the good things that may come our way (maybe from future engineers who became masters at Minecraft). But I worry every day about where AI is going to take our attention. We think we are smart, but tech is getting smarter. I am a constant advocate for putting limits on tech. This week I signed up with “Let Grow” to follow what they are doing. I want to see more kids hitting balls with sticks.

(The bashed-up plastic golf ball may be hiding in this plant.)

[i] The previous post in which I featured Brueghel’s painting is at https://wordpress.com/post/drjsb.com/376

For a more detailed study of “Children’s Games,” go to https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Children%27s_Games_(Bruegel)

Letting Your Soul Catch Up With You

Perhaps many of you know this story, but I only heard it recently. Here is one version:

Westerners traveling in a foreign country hired indigenous people as porters to help carry supplies. The porters went at a slower pace than the Westerners desired, so after the first two days, they pushed them to go faster. On day three of the trek, the group went twice as far as day two. Around the campfire that evening, the Westerners congratulated themselves for their leadership abilities. But on day four, the workers would not budge.

“What’s wrong?” asked the Westerner.

“We cannot go any further today,” replied the lead porter.

“Why not? Everyone appears well.”

“Yes,” he said, “but we went so quickly yesterday that we must wait here for our souls to catch up with us.”

An easy place to begin is to affirm how busy we are and our need to slow down. We’ve heard that many times. What makes this story memorable is the spokesman’s reply.

Huston Smith said the difference between our soul and our ego is that our ego always feels a need to control our life, while our soul wants to experience it, whatever comes.

What happens when we slow down and let our soul catch up? Sometimes we become aware of an underlying sadness we’ve been evading. As Psalm 42 says, Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? (Ps 42:5) The writer then recounts memories of when his life and faith seemed well-aligned and the hope that he will experience that sense of wholeness again. But the first step to a satisfied soul is to acknowledge when it is “disquieted.”

This goes against our culture’s relentless expectation to be “happy.” But who can be “happy” all the time? Sometimes we have experienced hardship, loss, and disappointment.

I once collaborated with an academic colleague who was a psychology professor. She had grown up in Ukraine during the Soviet era. The government was always pressuring people to feel optimistic, despite what they were enduring and the official falsehoods that surrounded them. She grew to resent that pressure. After coming to America, she was annoyed with popular schools of thought that encourage us to be happy all the time. Sometimes we feel “cast down” and our soul is “disquieted.” We do well to let our soul reveal what we need to know.

On the other hand, there are times when we take time to let our soul catch up and we find a fresh awareness of blessings we’ve been too busy to acknowledge. Rabbi Harold Kushner wrote a book on Psalm 23. About the phrase “…surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life…,” he asked why the writer says goodness and mercy shall “follow” us? Because, he said, we are often so busy that we have run out ahead of them. When we take time to let our soul catch up, goodness and mercy can finally find us and climb into our lap.

A few days ago, I realized I did not know where I’d left my iPhone. After looking in the obvious places, I took my iPad and brought up the “Find My” app. From the menu, I touched the “Steve’s iPhone.” I then heard the phone chiming. It turned out it was ten feet away — in the same room as me— but in a place I had never put it before. I wondered if there could be a “Find My Soul” app that would alert us when we are spiritually lost. What tone would capture our attention?

I was in Vienna in 2020. Ubers and taxis were available to get around town, as was the subway system. But there was also an old-fashioned electric streetcar system. You’d often see the trams patiently making their way around the city in a large circle known as the Ringstrasse. A city guide told me that Viennese often prefer to use the streetcars even though it’s not as fast as the other options; she said it helps them slow down between destinations.

In Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, the author and his friend are riding their motorcycles cross country. At one point he thinks about the term “making good time.” When we say, “You made good time!” we usually mean “You made the trip about as fast as possible!” But when we rush somewhere to make “good time” we often arrive stressed out, tired, and oblivious to where we’ve been. Instead of opting for freeways and interstates, he preferred taking country roads and older two-lane highways. That way he could appreciate unexpected vistas and new experiences along the way. That kind of traveling may take more time, but one can enjoy the time while you’re doing it. For Pirsig, this was “making good time.”

“Making good time” means you haven’t left your soul behind in the pursuit of speed and efficiency. Your soul has a chance to be present with you as you travel. And maybe goodness and mercy will join you instead of being left in the dust.

“Ungainly Resurrections”

We’ve had some intense rainstorms in Santa Barbara in recent years which have caused many trees to fall. This eucalyptus fell over San Jose Creek several years ago. I see it every morning when I walk over the bridge near my home. When it fell, one of its branches landed on the ground on the opposite side of the creek and became a support for the rest of the tree:

I’ve been fascinated to watch new growth rising skyward from the fallen branch. I remind myself that this branch began its life going vertical, then fell to its current horizontal position. But that unexpected event did not change its purpose — it’s thick with new growth.

I recently came across this poem from Catherine Abbey Hodges who lives in Springville on the western foothills of the Sierras. She witnessed something similar in her “neck of the woods:”

After the Flood

They looked like goners,

the cottonwoods and alders

downed when the river

went wild. And no wonder:

for two days we’d heard

the boom of boulders

above the water’s roar,

heard the crash and snap

of sturdy trees.

But now they’re sprouting

branches, new green

thrusting skyward

from prone trunks.

It’s a strange sight, hopeful

though not yet beautiful,

this ungainly resurrection,

early days of a miracle

etched in the seed.

I kept rereading the last stanza:

such trees are indeed a “strange sight” – something that defies our everyday expectations.
It’s “hopeful though not yet beautiful” — it’s impressive not because it fits some pre-determined idea of what it should look like, but because it demonstrates the raw power of hope.
It’s an “ungainly resurrection” – it looks more clumsy than graceful, yet the impulse to thrive and be reborn shines.
This “miracle” is manifesting itself day after day, but the power to do so was given long ago when a regenerating life force was “etched in the seed.”

I began to imagine how such trees are metaphors for the lives of many people I’ve known in my life and career.

Most of us begin life full of optimism, confident we will keep growing according to our plan as we reach for the sky. But storms come. Branches break. We fall. It’s tempting to give up. Can we find some new way to live?

The German mystic Meister Eckhart said, “The soul grows by the process of subtraction.” I take this to mean that when we are full of our selves and rigid expectations, there’s no room for soul. But when losses come and we break open — as our illusions are “subtracted” from our sense of self — the divine Spirit comes near to offer us a chance to experience new life that is “etched in the seed” of our soul. We may never stop grieving for what we’ve lost along the way, but shoots of regeneration begin appearing.

In my Goleta congregation, we would have annual retreats called “Crossroads” which would include 15 or 20 people. We’d begin Friday night by sharing a meal and getting to know each other. On Saturday morning we’d study a story from Scripture that I had chosen for its potential to offer insight into the experience of living. I’d then give everyone a large sheet of newsprint and a box of markers and ask them to go off for two hours to create a “life map” — a visual representation of how their life had unfolded. People would often draw a winding pathway with many ups and downs, then draw pictures or choose words to describe key events. (Some of our engineers were more comfortable with bar graphs.) You’d see things like, “depression” or “fell in love” or “divorce” or “new job.” When people were finished with their maps, I’d ask them to go back and mark any places on their road where they encountered God.

We’d regather. Each person had a turn describing their map and journey. They would then tape their map to the wall of the meeting room. When everyone was done, we’d take time in silence to survey the range of life experiences in our group. There was always a sense of awe at what people had been through and how, in many ways, they’d experienced unexpected growth and blessings.

The human spirit is like a seed, and etched into it is the potential to heal, integrate, grow, and adapt.

I once traveled with a group to Ghana. In many cultures, if someone asks, “How are you?” the response is something like “I am well” or “I am fine.” But our host said when someone in Ghana asks, “How are you?” a traditional response is “Yesu Adom,” which means “By the grace of God” or “By the grace of God I am well.”

I imagine standing on the San Jose Creek bridge asking my friend, “How are you doing, Fallen Tree?” I would not be surprised to hear: “By the grace of God, I am well. I have not given up. I am determined to thrive. Join me.”

By the grace of God, I will. May we all.

“After the Flood” by Catherine Abbey Hodges in Empty Me Full. (forthcoming by Gunpowder Press, 2024) Used with permission.

What Do We Know?

“Even though life is quite a sad business, you can have a good time in the middle of it. I like to laugh, and I think the unsung, real literary geniuses of the world are people who write jokes. Both the Irish and Jews are very fatalistic, but they laugh a lot. Only the Protestants think that every day in every way, life is getting better and better. What do they know? — American writer Mary Gordon (daughter of a Jewish father and Irish Catholic mother)

My beloved mentor Huston Smith once gave a talk at the Lobero Theater here in Santa Barbara. With a smile, he announced his theme: “Five Things You Won’t Agree With.” One theme was “There’s no such thing as progress.”[i]

Huston told the story of being a young American scholar in the 1960s when he was invited to speak on the future of society at a conference In Europe. He spoke glowingly of what he thought the century would bring. After he finished, the next speaker said, “Professor Smith has just spoken out of 200 years of American successes. I’m now going to speak from 1,000 years of European failures.” Huston listened and was humbled.

He went on to say that, to be sure, some things have improved in our modern life. Plumbing, for one. Public health, for another. And there has been some progress in human rights. But in many ways, our human nature has not changed. We have not outgrown the destructive impulses of our ancestors. No century in human history saw as many people die in war as the 20^th – somewhere close to 50 million. Some things are better, but we are a long way from having the world we would like to have. Those “Protestants” who “think that every day in every way, life is getting better and better – what do they know?”

This perspective could lead to being “fatalistic” – why bother trying to make anything better? I don’t think that’s an option.

Social teachings of the Jewish, Catholic, Protestant, and many secular traditions have always included a strong emphasis on “trying to make the world a better place.” Basic compassion and a spiritual calling compel us to do all we can to confront hunger, poverty, injustice, violence, and threats to human dignity. Here and there, there are signs of “progress.”

We moved to Santa Barbara in 1992. With our daughters active in athletics, we became passionate supporters of the UC Santa Barbara women’s basketball team — along with many in my congregation. The team was having great success, making it to the “Sweet Sixteen” in 2004. One year we invited the outstanding center to speak at the beginning of our worship service. She was several inches over six feet tall, and it was striking to see her walk down the aisle and step to the pulpit with poise and ease. UCSB had just won a dramatic game against the University of Hawaii the night before, and someone asked her if she had prayed for a win. She said she did pray at halftime – but not to win. She simply prayed that she would do her best, whatever the outcome. Everyone sensed this young woman possessed great inner strength and character.

A few days later, I ran into Michelle, one of our members. I asked her what she thought of hearing the player speak. Michelle said she had wept. That surprised me and I asked her why. As a woman who was six feet tall herself, as a teenager she was constantly walking bent over with slumped shoulders so she wouldn’t seem as tall as she was. But on Sunday, when this tall, young woman entered to the delight and admiration of the congregation, she realized how much had changed in just one generation. Her tears that morning were tears of gratitude that maybe life for young women was improving.

On the other hand, I remember visiting the “Museum of Communism” in Prague in 2020. The museum was divided into three sections: “The Promise,” “The Reality,” and “The Nightmare.” “The Promise” told the story of the genuine idealism that had convinced many earnest people to support the revolutions in the early decades of the last century. “The Reality” displayed exhibits of how this social experiment was troubled from the start. “The Nightmare” showed how grim and heartless communist societies became. People hoped they could make society “better and better”, but it was not to be.

I believe we should never give up trying to make the world a better place. At the same time, we can recognize our human nature has a dark side that may resist and undo our best-laid plans and hopes. Along the way, we welcome the great artists in our midst who help us laugh:

[i] I previously wrote on one of the other points: “Living on the Back Side of the Tapestry”

Answering Mr. Vinegar

In a writing class I took from Marilyn McEntyre, she mentioned we all have different “personas” within us. She encouraged us to experiment with writing from the perspective of each one. Maybe it’s a familiar concept, but it was new to me.

Reflecting on Marilyn’s invitation, I realized the “voice” I usually seek to embody when writing is a thoughtful and patient one. It looks for grace and wisdom in a variety of situations – I could call it the “Mr. Nice Guy” voice. But the more I thought about it, I realized it was not the only voice within me. I can summon up a “bad boy” voice –- one that’s skeptical, judgmental, smug, and cynical. (What some psychologists would call a part of my “shadow side.”) As I began to become more aware of it, I found it to be quite amusing. I’ve given that voice the name of “Mr. Vinegar.”

Recently I’ve been hearing from Mr. Vinegar just as I am finishing writing one of these blog posts. I usually ignore him. But this week, I decided to let Mr. Vinegar have a conversation with Mr. Nice Guy.

Here’s what the conversation sounds like.

MR VINEGAR: “Well, Steve, everything you write is so pleasant. One week you have a nice epiphany while contemplating an oak tree. Another week maybe it’s a little birdie on a branch. Another week it’s all about some amazing spider web. But you know, Mr. Nice Guy, the world we live in is a mess. There’s the war in Gaza and Israel, a war in Ukraine, the breakdown of our politics, the rapid creep of Artificial Intelligence into our lives, global warming, personal tragedies everywhere you look…Why do you avoid these topics? Afraid?”

MR NICE GUY: “Well, Mr. Vinegar, that’s a good question. I’ll tell you why I do what I do.

“I think there are many troubling events in the world. I worry that Russia will overcome Ukraine and we’ll be back in a Cold War that will destabilize a peace in Western Europe we’ve taken for granted for 80 years. I see the immense tragedies in Gaza and Israel – friends on both sides are frantic with concern – and I don’t think anyone knows when or how it will get resolved. I truly believe we need to show respect for all sides in our political discussions, but I am deeply concerned that we may re-elect a man who delights in ignoring and mocking the rule of law and being a corrosive personal force.

“And A.I.? That worries me more than almost anything else. It will certainly have some beneficial effects. But it’s creeping into our lives and millions of people will start depending on it. Many will find it irresistible to use for selfish and destructive ends. Kids aren’t going to know what it’s like to have to labor over writing an essay or a poem. Our “entertainment options” are going to become wild and warped. Unscrupulous political leaders, countries, and crime cartels are going to find A.I. to be an unprecedented weapon to use for their own purposes. It’s the end of an Age of Innocence. We won’t know what news report, what video, what photo, or what information sources we can trust. We will become increasingly enfeebled, dependent, and distrustful.

“And global warming? It’s very sobering. Especially for the poorest people on the planet who don’t have the freedom and resources to adapt.

“So yes, Mr. Vinegar, I see and worry about these things. But I don’t write about these topics much because there are many others more qualified than me to do that, and I avoid the debilitating effect of constantly focusing on bad news and crises.”

MR VINEGAR “What you just said – did that feel a little risky? Is it hard to talk about the scary stuff? Afraid you’ll lose some readers?”

MR NICE GUY: “Maybe. But here’s the deal. There’s so much going on that can get us down. To face and endure the challenges before us, we need to be grounded in genuine, personal experiences where we find glimpses of grace and reasons to hope. We need to be reminded of the importance of the many people in our lives – past and present – who demonstrate integrity, wisdom, and compassion. We need to tap into the insights of our spiritual traditions that have helped guide people for centuries as human life has evolved. I’m not going to write about issues unless I have something hopeful and constructive to say.”

MR VINEGAR “Well, OK, that’s your choice. But just don’t let yourself become a pleasant waste of time.”

MR NICE GUY “OK, point taken. And now that you’ve had a chance to speak out, can I finish writing this?”

MR VINEGAR “Of course. But I’m not going away – I’ll be back. I have too much fun prodding you.”

*****

I remember hearing a Jewish story about a rabbi in a small village. An old man would show up at every event where the rabbi was speaking. He would pester the rabbi with skeptical questions and criticize him time after time. When he died, no one was expected to show up at the cemetery when he was buried. The gravediggers were surprised when the rabbi showed up. They asked him, “Why are you here? We expected you’d be glad this man is gone.”

“I’m going to miss him,” said the rabbi. “He was the one person in town that kept me honest.”

Who Are We?

“Human beings are animals. They are sometimes monsters, sometimes magnificent, but always animals. They may prefer to think of themselves as fallen angels, but in reality they are risen apes.” — Desmond Morris, The Naked Ape [i]

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” – attributed to the priest and paleontologist Teilhard de Chardin

Well, which is it? Are we apes fooling ourselves that we are angels? Or are we spiritual beings inhabiting a body provided for us by our biological cousins?

My favorite movie when I was kid was Tarzan and my favorite character was the chimpanzee, Cheetah. Cheetah was Tarzan’s best friend. They talked to each other in a special language. If Tarzan was in trouble, Cheetah might dash through the jungle and summon a herd of elephants. Or find some lions and persuade them to save his friend. I formed the Monkey Club in second grade and was its first (and only) president. I would have traded all my baseball cards to have a friend like Cheetah.

I was a teenager in 1967 when The Naked Ape came out. It was a popular bestseller describing how similar we are to apes. I loved it. I wanted to be a filmmaker at that time. I took our Kodak Super 8 movie camera to the San Diego Zoo and filmed chimpanzees grooming each other. Then I went back home to San Bernardino and planned to secretly film customers at our local barber shop getting similar treatment. I planned to cleverly edit the clips so the movie would alternate between the human and primate footage, showing how similar we are. But I never did have the chutzpah to secretly film at the barbershop. And I didn’t know the first thing about film editing. Unlike the Steven Spielberg character in The Fabelmans, my cinematic career ended early.

Growing up and going to college, I did not believe in “spiritual” or “religious” experiences. I believed everything could be explained through science.

Then I had a spiritual experience. In a time of personal desperation, I prayed without believing in prayer because I had nowhere else to turn. Three days later, I realized something like a quiet light was now present at the center of my inner emptiness. It was an unexpected and vivid experience that opened my mind to the possibility that there is a divine presence surrounding us, and it means us good. Maybe we are “spiritual beings having a human (or biological) experience.”

I had heard some folks say science and religion were incompatible — you either believe God created the world in seven days or you are a heretic. But that never made sense to me. Science was not shutting out wonder but uncovering more and more for it. What’s wrong with “descending” from apes? I considered that a compliment.

This is not to say everything in nature is pleasant.

In 2015 I attended the Parliament of World Religions in Salt Lake. There were many interesting speakers from around the world, but no one drew as large a crowd as Jane Goodall. I was thrilled to listen to her – she has come as close to any of us as having friends like Cheetah! She said she first wanted to study chimpanzees because she was disillusioned with human behavior and felt that chimps in the wild must have greater nobility. But after living with them, she realized they could become vicious and violent when attacking a rival tribe. Her idealism ended, but not her reverence for our fellow primates.

In 1912, Aldo Leopold was working for the Forest Service in New Mexico. His duties included hunting wolves. One day he shot a wolf on a rimrock canyon: “He reached the still breathing wolf and saw something that forever changed him. In his classic text, A Sand County Almanac, Leopold describes the experience, “We reached the old wolf in time to watch a fierce green fire dying in her eyes. I realized then, and have known ever since, that there was something new to me in those eyes—something known only to her and to the mountain. I was young then, and full of trigger-itch; I thought that because fewer wolves meant more deer, that no wolves would mean hunters’ paradise. But after seeing the green fire die, I sensed that neither the wolf nor the mountain agreed with such a view.”[ii]

Leopold had sensed something profound in the wolf’s eyes and her being – something that inspired reverence. He became an early prophet of the environmental movement.

Have you ever looked into the eyes of an animal and felt a deep kinship?

Would Native and indigenous people believe you must choose between the natural world and spiritual beliefs?

I look at myself and my fellow human beings: we “are sometimes monsters, sometimes magnificent.” And I look at life all around us: it can be messy at the same time it is permeated with the miraculous mystery of life.

So which is it? Are we “just” animals or are we essentially spiritual creatures? I’m not choosing sides. I vote for both.

[i] The Naked Ape: A Zoologist’s Study of the Human Animal, 1967

[ii] http://www.nationalforests.org/our-forests/light-and-seed-magazine/aldo-leopold-in-the-gila-wilderness

The Platinum Rule

One spiritual principle our mother taught us was the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” It’s a simple concept, and some say it’s an almost universal teaching in global spiritual traditions.

But I once took a leadership class where the professor encouraged us to think of a variation, the “Platinum Rule:” “Treat others the way they want to be treated.”

I don’t know who first coined the phrase. Searching around, it seems to be a common notion in psychology and leadership material. Whatever its origin, the point is easy to grasp: if I follow the Golden Rule, I may assume someone else would want the same thing I would want. In broad terms that may be true: all people would like to be treated with respect, for example. But when it comes down to specifics, what someone else prefers may be very different than me.

When I was Director at La Casa de Maria, our much-loved gardener Francisco was going to retire after years of faithful service. I asked our Office Manager to come up with some ideas for a special staff event. She suggested a luncheon in the dining room, followed by playing some games we could all enjoy. We announced that plan to the staff. Later that day, the Landscape Supervisor asked to speak to me. He politely suggested that what we were planning may not be the ideal event for Francisco. He offered to organize an outdoor bar-b-q by the pool with some of Francisco’s favorite dishes. He also wanted to schedule a mariachi band to make a surprise appearance. That’s what we did. We were all visiting with each other as the meal was being prepared, and an amazing mariachi band suddenly appeared, singing a popular song in Spanish that referred to someone retiring. It was wonderful. I am grateful that we had changed our plans.

Two stories come to mind from my days at Hospice.

I was at a national conference and one of the breakout sessions was on the spiritual care of the dying. While the presenter reviewed some of the common principles in helping people share their spiritual concerns, he said the topic isn’t for everybody. When his dad was in his last days, he had no interest in talking about spiritual issues. He just wanted to have his son come so they could read the daily newspaper together and discuss sports and the news. That’s what he did. His father died in peace.

Our staff was very creative finding ways to do whatever was meaningful for the patients. One man said he had always enjoyed driving around town in an open convertible smoking a cigar. We had a volunteer who was happy to do that. Once a once a week the volunteer picked him up and they cruised around town puffing. The man was very grateful.

There are endless stories of how different cultures show respect in different ways.

In 2000 I was in India on a sabbatical project, interviewing tech people and academics about how digital technology was beginning to reshape personal lives. I was careful to call ahead to make appointments with whoever I was going to interview, which I took for granted was the proper thing to do. But one of my hosts took me aside and said that was not necessary. He said calling ahead to make an appointment suggested that the person would not welcome me if just showed up, when in fact, welcoming an unannounced visitor was an honored practice of a good host.

My congregation established a partnership with a congregation in Ghana. Five of us traveled there first and were warmly welcomed wherever we went. The next year a group of Ghanaians came to Santa Barbara. We had arranged for members to host guests in their houses. One of our hosts had two spare bedrooms, and she welcomed two women to her house, showing each of them the room they would be staying in. After a while, one of the women approached the hostess and – very respectfully – asked if she and her friend could share a room instead of being alone. Not everyone wants to be by themselves like Americans often do.

I think of relationships. A colleague recently gave a sermon on marriage. He said that marriages often begin following the idea that “opposites attract.” We fall in love with someone different than us and make our commitment. Then we spend the rest of our marriage trying to make the person like us. An alternative, he said, was to ask, “How can I support my partner in becoming not who I want them to be, but who God wants them to be?” Relationships are often an endless journey in finding the balance between meeting our own needs and that of our partner. I have great respect for my therapist friends who help couples negotiate that journey.

Applying the Platinum Rule begins with our desire to serve, honor, or support someone else. It requires an open mind and careful attention to discover what the other person truly values. When someone treats us that way, we feel both valued and respected.

Is the Sky in the Pie?

In the eighties, a seminary friend underwent a kind of conversion. He’d been raised with an older form of theology which held that this life is full of sin and suffering, and our best response is to focus on the hope of heaven. But he became convinced that this perspective was misguided. It had led our culture into an attitude of disregarding the integrity and sanctity of creation, which in turn contributed to the degradation of the environment; it also kept us from appreciating the blessings present in everyday life. He began to see divine life embedded in the natural world and became an early supporter of the “eco-spirituality” movement. “Faith isn’t just about the pie in the sky,” he’d say, “the sky is in the pie.” In other words, the divine presence surrounds us, and a primary spiritual calling in our time is to protect and nurture the earth and appreciate all that it offers.

A turning point for me was reading Original Blessing, by the feisty priest and scholar, Matthew Fox. Fox pointed out that Western theology had mistakenly become fixated on the doctrine of “original sin” in the fourth century and has never let it go. But the Hebrew Scriptures – and Jesus’ teaching — are pervaded with the theme of life being a miraculous gift, not a curse.

I appreciate the times in human history when peoples’ lives were full of suffering and focusing on future life in heaven – “pie in the sky” – made sense. There are many great spirituals with that theme, and no doubt they were powerful medicine. I honor and appreciate that experience. But if that is the sole focus of our spiritual life, we are missing so much.

I confess I come to this theme with a formidable bias – since the time I was a kid, I’ve loved pies. It started with Mom’s apple pie. Then it expanded to lemon meringue pies at Denny’s. It grew further with a masterpiece made with home-grown pie cherries from the baker’s tree in her backyard. These all tasted “heavenly” to me; literal affirmations that “the sky” can be experienced “in the pie.”

I remember the first time I stayed at a monastery — St. Andrew’s Priory near Pearblossom. I was expecting to be served some kind of thin gruel. But when I came into the dining room, a great, multicourse feast was laid out. It turned out they were welcoming a new novice to their community, so it was my good fortune to be there as they celebrated with this banquet. I later learned that the monk who cooked that night had been a chef with the Hyatt Regency before taking his vows.

Several years later I was spending a day at Mt. Calvary Monastery here in Santa Barbara. Before lunch was served, the host said, “We don’t know if God has taste buds, so we consider it a spiritual duty to enjoy what we eat.”

I’m hoping I can have it both ways. If there is “pie in the sky” after this life is over, I’m all for it. But I’m not missing any opportunities on this side of the great mystery. I’m hoping to have my pie and eat it too.

What’s for dessert?

Time to Get Real? Searching for What Is Authentic

You may have seen this:

Merriam-Webster’s Word of the Year for 2023 is authentic — the term for something we’re thinking about, writing about, aspiring to, and judging more than ever.

A high-volume lookup most years, authentic saw a substantial increase in 2023, driven by stories and conversations about AI, celebrity culture, identity, and social media.

Authentic has a number of meanings including “not false or imitation,” a synonym of real and actual; and also “true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character.” Although clearly a desirable quality, authentic is hard to define and subject to debate—two reasons it sends many people to the dictionary.[i]

When I think of the word authentic,” I think first of food: “That place serves authentic Mexican food” someone will say; “If you want to know what an authentic bagel tastes like, you’ve got to go to New York.”

Occasionally we have pizza delivered from one of the popular places in town. But recently we got some from Ca’Dario’s, a wonderful Italian restaurant in town. The crust was quite thin, as it is in Italy. My 8-year-old grandson picked up a piece and said, “This isn’t real pizza.” I asked why. He said, “It has a floppy crust.” Authenticity can be in the eye of the beholder.

I think of art. Occasionally we will read of some expert declaring that someone paid a lot of money for a work is fake.

We can debate what makes food or art authentic, but how about people? It’s hard to say how we know someone is “authentic.” Maybe we could start with what must be the opposite trait — “phony.”

Sometimes we encounter people who say and do all the right things, but after we are around them, we get the feeling they aren’t authentic. We say things like “They’re just putting on an act.” We can resonate with that 1971 soul classic, “Smiling Faces:”

Smiling faces, Smiling Faces, Sometimes they don’t tell the truth.

Smiling faces, Smiling faces tell lies and I got proof.

Beware. Beware of the handshake that hides the snake,

I’m tellin’ you beware of the pat on the back it just might hold you back.

Jealousy, (Jealousy) misery, (misery) envy.

I tell you you can’t see behind.[ii]

So, we might sense when someone is not authentic, but how do we know if they are?

Since the sixties, we have often heard that we each need to find our true ‘authentic” selves. That can mean uncovering some gifts, talents, or creativity we didn’t know we had – a wonderful thing. But I think it can also become a guise for being selfish – we decide we will act however we please and expect the world and other people to adapt to our needs. Spirituality in that realm can be finding a set of beliefs that fit perfectly with what my ego wants.

From the point of view of the established spiritual traditions, the best way to find our “authentic self” is to experience and serve a purpose and presence greater than ourselves. “Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it, and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.” (Luke 17:33) This is an invitation to imagine there is a way of being beyond my little self and to discover the wonder of being part of it.

I think of the Prodigal Son story. The younger brother takes half of his inheritance, leaves home, and spends it all on himself. The money runs out and he finds himself in a moment of despair which leads to a discovery – “he came to himself.” He returns to rejoin his family where he finds love and belonging.

I had a parishioner who is very quiet and prefers to be in the background in any situation. She is always thinking of others, visiting them when they are sick or sad or alone. She’s now 102 years old. If you asked her if she’d found her “authentic self,” she would be mystified by the question. Her “real self” doesn’t exist in isolation as a trophy to display; it lies deeply in her connection with other people. Her authenticity is a product of her humility.

I went on quite a few trips with teenagers to build homes in Mexico. In the beginning, many kids were concerned they wouldn’t have the daily conveniences they were used to. But when the work started, they forgot about their devices. At evening campfires, as they reflected on their lives, it seemed to me they were finding their “authentic selves” by experiencing a bigger world – one that is challenging and engaging, but also includes a core element of serving others.

As the announcement noted, one reason there has been so much interest in what is authentic is the advance of Artificial Intelligence. This week I was making a hospital visit and saw a woman I know. She told me of a sermon her assistant rabbi had recently given on the topic of AI. She said it was an impressive presentation, but along the way, she and others felt somehow, something was off. At the end, he told everyone the sermon had been entirely written by an AI Chatbot – then offered some thoughts about what that means. “You just knew something wasn’t right,” she said, “But you couldn’t put a finger on it.”

AI is rapidly becoming more and more capable of creating materials and relationships that will seem more and more “authentic.” What will life be like?

Although clearly a desirable quality, authentic is hard to define and subject to debate—two reasons it sends many people to the dictionary. Pondering the word sends me not only to the dictionary but more and more into a new appreciation of being with real, down-to-earth people in my life who aren’t trying to be authentic — but are. What a blessing.

[i] https://www.merriam-webster.com/wordplay/word-of-the-year#:~:text=Merriam%2DWebster’s%20Word%20of%20the,and%20judging%20more%20than%20ever.

[ii] “Smiling Faces,” Undisputed Truth, 1971: https://youtu.be/g0WPPAN9JyM?si=imeqsAs6Eehn8ZYt

Time for a Break

Dear Subscribers and Friends,

On December 15, 2020, I posted my first “PocketEpiphanies” article. My goal was to share some of the insights, memories, and stories that have been meaningful to me over my life and career that might also be of interest to others.

I did not know how long I would keep at it.

As of last week, I’ve written 150 articles now have 169 subscribers. I’m surprised I’ve gotten this far.

From time to time, I’ll receive a message from someone that a particular post was helpful to them in their journey. When I’m out and about in town, I’ll meet one of you and you’ll tell me you look forward to seeing what I come up with each week. This makes it worth it.

I have decided that reaching the 150-post milestone is a good time for a break. Over the next few weeks, I’m going to let my mind and imagination lie fallow. I plan to resume on January 6. Until then, please know that being connected with all of you means a great deal to me. In these fractured times, I feel this is one way to stay in touch with one another about what matters in life without trying to “monetize,” advertise, or become an “influencer.” Thank you for being part of this journey.

Steve

P.S.: If you haven’t been with me since the beginning, you may want to see what I posted two years ago– pieces written to reflect themes of the season.

The Spiritual Point of Conception: Reflections and Images https://wordpress.com/post/drjsb.com/872

The Power of Spiritual Friendships: Thoughts and Images https://wordpress.com/post/drjsb.com/897

Spiritual Guardians: Carpenters, Mentors and Drummers https://drjsb.com/2021/12/18/spiritual-guardians-carpenters-mentors-and-drummers/

The Nativity: A Hospital Epiphany and Three Works of Art: https://drjsb.com/2021/12/24/the-nativity-a-message-at-the-hospital-and-three-works-of-art/

Image: a photo I took of my parked bike at Goleta Beach, 2020