spirituality – Page 18 – Steve Jacobsen, Ed.D

Hasn’t Life Been Given to Us to Become Rich in Our Hearts?

A friend of Van Gogh’s asked if he thought this piece was “beautiful:”

Jean Alexandre Joseph Falguiere, *Phyrene*

He wrote to his brother:

My dear Theo,

C.M. asked me if I didn’t find the Phryné by Gérôme beautiful, and I said I would much rather see an ugly woman by Israëls or Millet or a little old woman by E. Frère, for what does a beautiful body such as Phryné’s really matter? Animals have that too, perhaps more so than people…hasn’t life been given to us to become rich in our hearts, even if our appearance suffers from it? — Letter from Van Gogh to his brother, Amsterdam, January 9, 1878

Here in Santa Barbara our local museum currently has a very popular exhibit, “Through Vincent’s Eyes: Van Gogh and His Sources.” The focus is not so much on any one work of his, but examples of the art works and writings of others that influenced him. The passage from the letter was displayed on the plaque next to “Phryné, and these words intrigued me: “…hasn’t life been given to us to become rich in our hearts, even if our appearance suffers from it?”

Adjacent to “Phryné” is a piece Van Gogh admired, The Miner by a graphic artist named Matthew Ridley:

The plaque for “The Miner” notes Van Gogh owned this exact print.

Which of these two works expresses “beauty” for you?

Our brains seem wired to quickly assess others by their outward appearance, comparing what we see to whatever standards our culture has created for us. As we know, print and digital media draws on this tendency to capture our attention and motivate us to feel an ongoing need to modify or improve our appearance.

When I see “fashion” magazines, I’m often puzzled why the models’ facial expressions often reflect boredom. When I see the people Van Gogh paints, they seem much more interesting.

“…hasn’t life been given to us to become rich in our hearts…?”

Two stories come to mind.

I had a parishioner, K., who was very conscious and diligent about her fitness and appearance. She and her husband attended a niece’s wedding in Ohio. She hadn’t seen her niece for several years When she first saw her at the wedding, she was taken aback by how much weight her niece had gained. The groom was “big” as well, and K. confessed their appearance made her uneasy. At the reception, the time came for the bride and groom to dance. As they did, K saw how much in love they were and was transfixed by their deep mutual affection. She saw beyond the surface to the reality that was within.

I heard the second story at a week-long seminar I attended years ago with the Biblical scholar Marcus Borg in Berkeley. Borg was an excellent writer and presenter…well-organized, calm, reasonable, always writing and speaking with humility and conviction. Towards the end of the week one of the students asked him if he had ever had a “spiritual” experience. He seemed reluctant to share. But the student pressed him, and he recounted what he’d experienced once on an airplane flight.

He and his wife were returning from Israel. As they boarded the plane, Marcus remembered settling into his assigned seat and assessing his surroundings. He noticed how sterile the plane’s interior seemed. He looked at the back of the seat in front of him and thought how lifeless the plastic fabric appeared. He watched people stepping into the aisle and noticed one man who had particularly unattractive facial features. All these observations seemed routine and trivial.

The plane took off and passengers settled into their activities.

A little later, something unusual began happening. Light began filling the airplane cabin. In this light, everything was transformed. The back of the seat in front of him now looked beautiful in its sheer existence. The same was true for the entire interior of the plane. Ordinary people were illuminated with a light that made them fascinating to look at. And the man whose appearance had caught his attention earlier happened to stand up: the man was radiating an inner dignity that made his outer appearance irrelevant.

Marcus’s wife noticed something was happening to him and asked if he was Ok. He nodded to assure her but didn’t speak. A few minutes later, the experience began to fade, and everything appeared as it had before. But he never forgot what he saw.

We might say “he came back to reality.” But which “reality”? The one we create based on surface appearances, cultural standards, and personal prejudices? Or something deep, mysterious, and grand that lies all around us, particularly within the faces of people whose appearance may not reflect some sterile “perfection” but that of living souls which have endured great hardship?

There are many kinds of beauty in this life, and we can celebrate all of them. But I want to remember Van Gogh’s question:

“Hasn’t life been given to us to become rich in our hearts?”

The Gift Of Walking: Everyday Problems, Electric Toothbrushes, and an Easter Surprise

Have you ever been stuck on a problem and went for a walk – and a solution appears?

I’ve been reading a book that explains why this happens: In Praise of Walking: A New Scientific Exploration by Shane O’Mara, Professor of Brain Research at Trinity College, Dublin. A firm believer in the power of walking in helping us find creative solutions to various issues, he gives a scientific account of why taking walks can be so valuable.

Here are some key points:

“…the brain has two essential work modes: an active, executive mode, and a default mode. The active mode involves focused attention and processing details. The default mode involves mind-wandering, the repeated interrogation of autobiographical memory, and a focus of attention away from the immediate environment.”[i]

The “executive mode” is active when we are focusing on something that has a logical, straight-forward solution. How about doing taxes? My W-2 and 1099 forms have specific numbers that I need to enter into specific boxes on the 1040 – no room for creativity.

The “default” or “mind-wandering mode” is useful when there may be more than one solution to a problem, and we may need to engage a variety of mental and imaginative processes to find what we need.

If we are sitting at a desk, our brain is limited to just one area of processing. But if we go for out for a walk, our circulation increases to other areas of the brain, and they begin to combine their efforts. In technical language, it’s a way to experience “extended hippocampal function” in which we can access personal memory and imagination while navigating our walk. This gives us a chance to “combine ideas in some form of novel association.”[ii]

We need both modes: “Mind-wandering allows the collision of ideas, whilst mind focusing allows you to test whether it’s nonsensical or interesting and new.”[iii]

In 1843, Sir William Rowan Hamilton found himself stuck as he “…grappled with devising a new mathematical theory – ‘quaternions’, which extend the mathematical theory of complex numbers to three-dimensional space.”[iv] He was an avid walker, and on one of those walks the solution appeared to him. He took a penknife and inscribed this message into the Broom Bridge:

I haven’t studied math since Led Zeppelin’s first album was released. I have no clue why this formula is important, but apparently, it’s a big deal: it has “…many contemporary uses in physics as well as in computer gaming, animation, and graphics, and even in the design of electric toothbrushes.”[v] Mathematicians from around the world gather on the bridge every October 16th to celebrate this discovery. And it did not come to Mr. Hamilton until he was immersed in a two-hour walk.

Without knowing any of the science, I found taking walks to be essential to my work. If I had a sermon to create, I would first choose, analyze, and study a passage, gathering as many facts as possible to understand what I was reading. But I wouldn’t know what to focus on, or how to describe it, or what stories could illustrate it. So, I’d get up and walk in the neighborhood for an hour or so. Almost every time, I’d have an “aha” moment and know what direction to take, words to use, or examples to give. I’d go back to my desk with fresh energy.

What is true for walking on our own is also true for walking with a friend — that “extended hippocampal function” is working for both of us.

All this brings to mind the fascinating New Testament story known as “The Road to Emmaus” (Luke 24: 13 – 35). The story begins on Easter afternoon. “Now on that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem, and talking with each other about all these things that had happened.” As they walk, they are deep in conversation. A third person joins them and asks what they are discussing. They tell him it’s about a prophet who has appeared recently, raising their hopes that something new and life-changing is happening in the world. But the prophet has been executed by the Romans, leaving them in despair. Some women reported earlier in the day they had an experience that led them to believe he is alive after all. But these two friends don’t know what to believe. The stranger begins to explain how all this might be true and they begin a long discussion. They arrive at Emmaus and invite the stranger to stay with them for dinner. He accepts. As they sit at table, the stranger takes the bread, blesses, and breaks it, and they suddenly realize the stranger is the risen Jesus. He disappears. Looking back on their conversation, they realize this person was indeed helping them see everything in a new way, leading them from despair to excitement and new hope. They go back to Jerusalem to share their story.

I can affirm it only takes one experience of feeling someone’s unexpected “presence” in the room with us to open our mind to such new possibilities.

Cynthia Bourgeault writes this about the Emmaus story: “…the decisive breakthrough is not what they see but how they see. They have come to understand that their attuned hearts are the instruments of recognition and these same attuned hearts will bind them to their Risen Lord moment by moment forever. They have finally located their inner homing beacon.”

From Jerusalem to Emmaus is seven miles, and it takes about two hours to walk seven miles – the same amount of time it took Mr. Hamilton to find the solution to his perplexing problem. This time the problem is not mathematical, but spiritual. Just sitting in a chair worrying about it was not going to solve it, because the usual ways of rational thinking are too limiting. But on long walks, portals within us can open and expand our understanding of what’s real and what’s possible, allowing new and unexpected light to shine.

Want to go for a walk?

[i] O’Mara, pg. 148

[ii] Ibid., pg. 150

[iii]Ibid., pg. 150

[iv] Ibid., pg. 152

[v] Ibid., pg. 152

Lead image source: pixabay

Spiritual or Religious? A Guide for the Perplexed

“Are you religious?”

“No, I’m spiritual.”

Over recent decades, fewer and fewer Americans describe themselves as “religious.” Many say they are “spiritual.” What does this mean?

I’ve been reflecting on those two words for 35 years. I’m going to offer one way to understand the difference between them.

“Religion” is a word that combines “re“ with “ligio.” “Ligio” is the root for the word “ligament,” which means a binding. So re-ligio means “bound again.” A religion binds someone to a set of beliefs, traditions, and practices. When I was a kid, every Friday the cafeteria served fish sticks. Why? Because Catholics weren’t allowed to eat meat on Friday. If I’m an Orthodox Jew, I’ll only eat kosher food. If I’m a practicing Muslim, you can expect me to be praying five times a day and fasting during the month of Ramadan.

“Spiritual” is very different. Let’s go back in time to appreciate its origins.

In the Hebrew Scriptures, the common word for “spirit” is “ruah.” Here’s a famous passage:

In the beginning when God created the heavens and the earth,the earth was a formless void and darkness covered the face of the deep, while a wind from God^[b] swept over the face of the waters.[i] Did you notice the footnote, (b)? The footnote says: “Orwhile the spirit of God orwhile a mighty wind.” Spirit is synonymous with wind and breath.

The New Testament was written in Greek. Just like Hebrew, the original word pneuma (as in pneumatic tire, pneumonia, etc.) can mean spirit, wind, breath. Here’s an example:

The wind^[f] blows where it chooses, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes.[ii] The footnote for “wind” reads: “The same Greek word means both wind and spirit.”

So “religion” implies a binding, a strong and secure connection. “Spiritual” implies something more elusive and mysterious, but real. You can’t attach a ligament to the wind; a breeze can be felt but doesn’t bind you.

For centuries many people were bound to religious traditions. But in the 60s, people started questioning authority. Many began leaving such traditions altogether or picking and choosing which beliefs and practices they’d embrace and which they’d ignore. A steady decline in membership and influence of religious communities began and continues – the ligaments became weak or were never developed.

Being cut loose from such restrictive bonds can be exhilarating. We can begin finding for ourselves what is true and authentic.

As we’re searching, we may have moments when we sense there is something important beyond everyday reality. Maybe we come upon something in nature that fills us with wonder. Maybe we are awe-struck as we look into the eyes of a newborn child. Maybe we sense something transcendent in a piece of music. Maybe we go through a personal crisis and feel we’re being led by something beyond ourselves. Maybe we’re in recovery and find the value of a higher power. Or, maybe we experiment with ancient Eastern techniques of inner exploration, such as meditation, mindfulness, yoga, or Tai-chi and find an inner peace, strength, and serenity that we never experienced in one of those liga-mented institutions.

We certainly don’t believe there is an old bearded white guy in the sky in charge of everything. But what about “… an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us; it binds the galaxy together,” as Obi-Wan Kenobi explains to Luke Skywalker.[iii] This “Force” gives us courage, helps us do what is right, connects us to others and calls us to fight against forces of repression.

If any of these experiences resonate, we might say we are “spiritual.” We sense something, believe something, feel something that is of great personal importance. And no external authority will control how we experience it or what it means.

So much of this speaks to me personally. I don’t believe in something just because someone tells me to. I am curious about every kind of journey people are on and learn new things whenever I can. I’m fascinated by all things “spiritual.”

And yet there’s something lost when we have no ligaments.

Last spring, I was feeling discomfort in my right upper arm while doing yoga. One day, I was playing golf and noticed it was swelling dramatically and my arm was turning purple. I went to Urgent Care. They diagnosed it as a torn ligament, which leads to a swelling known as a “Popeye arm” along with contusions. Apparently, we have two ligaments connecting shoulders to elbows, and one of mine had become disconnected. They told me they couldn’t repair it and referred me to physical therapy to begin strengthening the surrounding muscles to compensate.

A year later, I’m still doing the exercises and feeling fine. But I’ve learned what it’s like to be “de-ligamented.”

I’ve been around congregations for many years. Communities that worship and serve together week after week are like bodies that are consistently forming strong ligaments of connection. In a tragedy – a death, a disaster, an urgent social need — those bodies are ready to act decisively. And they do.

We can see this principle at work in the war in Ukraine. After World War 2, NATO was formed, creating voluntary bonds of commitment between participating nations to defend each other against aggression. Some recent politicians wanted our country to be free from our NATO commitment. But we now see those ligaments in action as thirty nations quickly united to oppose Russian aggression.

I rejoice in the freedom spirituality provides to find what is authentic. I can also sing the old hymn “Blest Be The Tie That Binds” when I see social bonds being used to inspire, strengthen and protect the human family.

[i] Genesis 1: 1-2, New Revised Standard Version

[ii] John 3:8, New Revised Standard Version

[iii] Star Wars, Episode IV: A New Hope

Image: Fall Colors at Kebler Pass, Colorado USA.JPG; aspen groves are now understood to not be individual trees, but one unified biological entity.

Blessing of the Feet

“I want you to join me in a ritual for one of my patients,” M. said.

M. was a smart, insightful, and creative social worker at Hospice of Santa Barbara. My job there was largely administrative, and only rarely was I asked to participate in patient care. But I trusted M.’s professional skill, her instincts, and her chutzpah, and told her I would do whatever she needed.

One of our guiding principles was, “The family is the unit of care.” Was it a cohesive and caring family unit? Or would long-standing tensions come to the fore as they were about to lose a loved one? The family dynamics would play a large role in the experience of the patient in the dying process and how that family would evolve after the death has occurred.

M. gave me the background. The patient was a woman in her 80s whose husband had died some years before. Two adult daughters were caring for her. There had been some issues between them, and M. wanted to do something that might bring them together. The mother was not responsive at this point, but “still here.” M. felt she could create a simple ritual to bless the mother as she came close to dying. She introduced the idea to the daughters. They would dress mom up in nice clothes, fix her hair, put make-up on, and give her a pedicure and a manicure, talking to her as they worked. At the appointed time, M. and I would come to the house. M. would stand at the head of mom’s bed and lead us with a daughter on each side, and me at the feet.

M. and I met at the house at 7 PM. M. introduced me, noting I was a pastor as well as Hospice Director. Mom’s bed was in the living room, and had been elevated enough that we could each standby it. M. praised the daughters for how classy mom looked. Lights in the room were dimmed and candles lit. She told us each to take our position and explained what would unfold.

After a moment of silence, M. began with words of affirmation to the mother, reminding her of all she had accomplished in her life, telling her who was present in the room and what we would be doing. Each daughter then took a turn, holding one of mom’s hands and telling her how much she had meant to them.

I remember thinking, “I have no idea what I’m going to say. They didn’t teach how to do this in seminary.”

When the second daughter finished, I looked at the woman’s bare feet visible past the bottom edge of the blanket. The nail polish was bright red.

I placed my hands under her feet and raised them a few inches.

My mind began imagining what these feet had experienced.

“These feet were part of you when you were a toddler learning how to walk. They were with you in childhood, running out the door at your command to play in the neighborhood and rush to school. They grew with you as you became a teenager, then a young woman. They enabled you to have your first dance, to walk next to the man you fell in love with, to process down the aisle at your wedding. After you gave birth to your daughters, it was these feet that carried you as you carried them, pacing back and forth at night comforting them. In all the years that followed, these feet did as you wished, faithfully supporting you through your challenges and joys. They have been loyal and faithful servants. We give gratitude to God for them, for you, for your family, for your many years, and for all the love that is in this room with you now.”

I lowered the feet back on the bed.

M. spoke to mom, summarizing what each of us had said and closed with a final blessing for her and her daughters.

I felt Presence in the room.

Mom’s eyes remained closed, her breathing steady.

We began to bring our awareness back to “ordinary time.” I thanked the daughters and the mother for the gift of being with them and said good night. M. remained, explaining what would be occurring as their mother approached her last hours.

The next day, M. called to tell me the mother had died later that night in the living room. She felt what we had done was already helping the daughters heal past hurts and come together.

Two days later I realized this had happened on a day known in the Christian tradition as “Maundy Thursday,” when many communities re-enact Jesus washing his disciples’ feet the night before he died.

The experience left a profound impact on me. This was partly due to the privilege I felt participating in such a sacred moment with this family. But, for the first time, I realized how extraordinary it is for us to have what we call “feet” that are truly with us throughout all our days, enabling us to do so many things through every stage of life. Maybe we notice them when we accidently drop something on them, or any time they are a source of discomfort. But most of the time we take them for granted. Hour by hour, day by day, year by year, they are our silent servants.

Feet are the point of contact between our living presence and the solid earth.

Thich Nhat Hanh, who died two months ago at age 95, famously taught, “People say walking on water is a miracle, but to me walking peacefully on earth is the real miracle. The earth is a miracle, each step is a miracle.”

May we all be aware of the blessing our humble feet are for us, now, when we have breath to do so.

Art work: Feet, Vincent Van Gogh, 1885, Van Gogh Museum, Amsterdam

Postscript: Preparing a body for burial is a common practice in many traditions (e.g., chesed shel emet in Judaism) and has been reemerging in contemporary times, including in secular health care settings. One study at our local hospital found it not only gave families a significant sense of closure, but also helped with morale and burn-out among nursing staffs. Blessing the body when the person is close to death, as described in this story, can also be a powerful and positive experience. There are many ways of doing it that can be customized to fit a family’s values.

Icarus and Us

Imagine visiting a gallery and coming upon this painting for the first time without knowing its title. What do you see?

I see the farmer with the red shirt guiding the blade of his plow.

I see the ship sailing in the nearby channel. Having just taken some sailing classes, I’m curious about the design of the ship. The sails on the bow and stern are capturing a strong wind; those on the central mast are not extended. If they were unfurled, would the wind blow too strongly and make navigation difficult?

I notice the shepherd looking at the sky with his dog by his side and the sheep grazing. Is he looking at a specific object, or just daydreaming?

My attention moves to the background where I see the harbor and a few buildings.

I’ve seen enough. A visual “slice of life” from the mid-16^th century. Interesting. Sort of.

But then I happen to see the brass plate next to the frame: “Landscape With the Fall of Icarus.”

What? Where’s Icarus?

Taking a second look, I discover Icarus in the lower right-hand corner –a pair of legs entering the sea with feathers fluttering in his wake.

How did I miss him?

In the Greek myth, Daedalus learned how to make wings using feathers and beeswax. His son Icarus is young and wants to fly. His father warns him he must not go too close to the sun, or the wings will melt, and he’ll fall to earth. But Icarus is young and confident. He ascends. The wings melt. He falls to his death in the sea.

Looking at the rest of the scene a second time, I realize no character seems to notice him. Reading about the painting, I discover that’s the point.

People are in trouble around us every day. A young man’s life ends and what are we doing? Farming? Sailing? Staring at the sky? Fishing?

The story of Icarus evokes something personal for me.

In my early 20s, I’d had what Jung called an inflated ego. I had become isolated and was taking risks with my life. Like Icarus, I believed I was immune from any serious consequences. But then I had a personal crisis which put me in peril. I could have easily fallen into the sea, unnoticed by people around me until it was too late. If not for the grace of God, I don’t know how I would have survived.

Hidden tragedies and pain are no doubt being carried by people we pass every day –at Trader Joe’s, at Costco, at work, or walking in our neighborhood. Do we notice them?

I was at the local movie theater recently to see “West Side Story.” After the film ended, the small crowd was exiting while the theater was still dark. Just in front of me, an elderly gentleman with a cane fell to the floor. His wife had charged ahead and didn’t see it. I knelt and asked if he was alright, and carefully helped him stand up. He regained his balance but seemed dazed. His wife came back and, a bit impatiently, told him to follow her.

Don’t most of us want to notice others in need and help when we can?

But can we spend our entire day on the lookout for strangers in trouble?

Looking again at the painting, I notice new details.

Take the farmer. He’s not working a flat prairie field in Kansas where he could let his attention go elsewhere. He’s plowing a steep hill which requires extra focus. He needs to do this well if he’s to care for his land and raise food for his family and village.

How about the sailing ship? The ship is passing through a narrow channel. The captain and crew need to be on alert for any changes in the strong wind, ready to respond in a skillful and timely manner if they are not going to run aground or collide with another ship. They must bring their full attention to their work to be safe while make a living.

And the shepherd. If that was my job and all seemed well in the moment, I might get lost in thought – I don’t think I’d be constantly scanning the horizon looking for someone in danger.

This time I notice the fisherman in the red hat. He is the closest. I don’t know why he doesn’t notice Icarus splashing in into the sea.

A part of me identifies with those other characters, not just Icarus. When we have responsibilities, we need to attend to them.

I say that to myself, but something tells me that may be a way to let myself off the hook from being alert to the suffering of others.

The great spiritual traditions implore us to care for the stranger, to be our “brother’s keeper,” to be Good Samaritans in a world of self-absorption. I believe most of us do so when we can. But can we do that all the time?

This isn’t a pleasant pastoral scene. This is a soul-scan revealing the tension between our personal responsibilities and the call to care for others.

Life is complicated.

What a great work of art.

Landscape With the Fall of Icarus, Brueghel, c 1560

Dear Reader: On March 6, there was a stunning interactive piece in the New York Times exploring this painting and how it inspired a famous poem by W H Auden: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2022/03/06/books/auden-musee-des-beaux-arts.html.

I had been meaning to write this modest reflection of my own before reading that article, and, after reading it, almost shelved my piece as it seems a bit simplistic. But I believe all great art invites many interpretations, even the humble ones.

Your Soul Is Like A Wild Animal

When I reflect on the idea of having a “soul,” my mind first goes back to cartoons I watched as a kid. Some character would get bonked on the head and fall over, and then a wispy image of that character would start floating up from the body with little wings and ascend into the sky.

In college, I began to get the idea that a modern, scientific person should be skeptical of believing in anything that could not be measured, observed, and analyzed; the idea of human beings having souls was a superstition best left behind.

Then I had my spiritually transforming experience when I was 22. I suddenly sensed that there is something in us connected to a living reality beyond what we can see. In the years that followed, I began to explore the many ways we can conceive of having this spiritual essence that we sometimes call “soul.”

In 2009 I read A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life by the academic-turned-spiritual-mentor Parker Palmer. Early on, he says he will be using the word “soul.” He knows his academic friends will be dismissive about both the word and the concept. But, he believes there is something within us that is best described with this word — a point of connection and wholeness that all spiritual traditions understand. And, he says, he found a useful metaphor for it:

“The soul is like a wild animal – tough, resilient, and shy. When we go crashing through the woods shouting for it to come out so we can help it, the soul will stay in hiding. But if we are willing to sit quietly and wait for a while, the soul may show itself.”[i] He goes on to say that much of our culture keeps us distracted and so our soul withdraws. But in moments of quiet and inner attentiveness, our souls cautiously appear. In those moments, we realize who we really are and how miraculous the world is; in those moments, we often find guidance, assurance, and hope.

I loved this idea. If we are thrashing through the woods, wildlife flees from us and hides. But if we come to a cabin in the woods, sit on the porch and become still, the wildlife emerges, and we can observe it with reverence and wonder.

Palmer says there is another quality of soul that is like a wild animal:

Like a wild animal, the soul is tough, resilient, resourceful, savvy, and self-sufficient: it knows how to survive in hard places. I learned about these qualities during my bouts with depression. In that deadly darkness, the faculties I had always depended on collapsed. My intellect was useless; my emotions were dead; my will was impotent; my ego was shattered. But from time to time, deep in the thickets of my inner wilderness, I could sense the presence of something that knew how to stay alive even when the rest of me wanted to die. That something was my tough and tenacious soul.[ii]

The soul is like a wild animal. It is shy. But it also can endure great hardship.

This certainly described what I have witnessed many times in my life.

When I worked at Hospice of Santa Barbara, many people came to deal with a personal loss – maybe it had occurred just a few weeks before, maybe years ago. The loss had fractured their sense of meaning and trust. Their soul had gone into hiding. But they hoped they could somehow make sense of life. They would be given an appointment with one of our counselors. The philosophy of our staff was based on a simple assumption: “We can’t fix you, but we can come alongside and journey with you as you find your way.” The client would begin to experience this caring, skilled, and non-invasive companionship. It could take weeks or months, but, in time, it was as if the person’s soul could finally come out of hiding and begin to find a way to accept what had happened while forming a new understanding of life. As they found their way, you could see it in their eyes: there was light where there had been shadows. The soul had reemerged and brought with it a quiet wisdom about hard truths and an awareness of simple blessings.

In my time at the La Casa de Maria Retreat Center, I would often use this metaphor when giving tours. There were no televisions or newspapers, and, fortunately, very limited Wi-Fi. As we’d walk the 26 acres of oak groves and gardens, I would point out various places for contemplation they might want to visit during their stay. As a guest, they would be free to wander the property, enjoy the delicious food, and rest as much as they needed. “Our souls are like wild animals,” I would say. “They are shy, like deer in the forest. But when we are quiet, the deer come out. Your soul will begin to sense this is a safe place to be. Give it time, and your soul will come to you.”

When people arrived, they would often be stressed, tired, and distracted. At first, many would keep reaching for their cell phones, trying to find a spot with adequate reception, like a dowser looking for water. They were desperate to stay in touch with the busy world that had ensnared them. But in time, that compulsion would fade. They’d rest, and wander, and explore, and discover whatever it was they needed. As they were leaving a few days later, you could see the change in their eyes. They’d found their inner light, and with it came peace, clarity, and a renewed sense of purpose.

Your soul is like a wild animal – shy, but capable of enduring times of great stress. It is always choosing life instead of darkness. Honor it, care for it, listen to it.

[i] A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life, pg 58

[ii] Ibid, pg. 58

Photo Credit: Department of the Interior

Invitation to a Wake

This week I did something I’ve wanted to do all my life: take sailing lessons. I signed up at the local harbor for “Beginning Sailing 101.” It’s a three-day class and I’ve completed two days so far. My exam is next week.

The course includes learning nautical terms – some of which are familiar, some not. I soon noticed how much sailing jargon is part of our everyday language.

At one point the instructor was presenting ways to know if you are moving in the water if you seem to be standing still. “You look at the boat’s wake,” he said. “If there are bubbles and ripples behind the boat, it means you are moving.”

I looked over the stern (the back end!) of the boat for the wake. Sure enough, there were the bubbles and ripples. I started thinking about the term “wake.”

The first thing that came to mind was the Irish tradition of gathering after someone has died to remember and honor them. We often associate that experience with heavy drinking of certain distilled liquids. But it was not immediately clear why we would use the word “wake” for such an event.

Then it came to me — the person has left a “wake” in our lives – an influence or impact – and we instinctively want to gather to reflect on what that means.

As I pondered this further, it occurred to me that the wake behind a moving boat may seem to dissipate as the boat continues sailing. But it has made a real impact on the ocean itself, even if it seems small compared to the vastness of the sea. I began thinking about people whose “currents” of influence are still swirling in our lives.

My father came to mind. He died almost ten years ago, but every day some word or phrase of his comes to mind. Most of them are not appropriate to publish in a dignified space such as this, but others can be shared. For example, he employed a general handyman named Orville. Orville could often find solutions to practical problems when the proper part was not available. My dad delighted in his innovative ability, and, when faced with a puzzling problem, he’d say “Let’s see if we can ‘Put the Orville to it.’” Sometimes when I face a similar problem, I’ll think, “Maybe I can ‘Put the Orville to it’,” and it always makes me smile. But it’s more than just remembering the phrase – something about it causes me to reexperience a tangible sense of my dad’s spirit. It’s one of the ripples of his wake.

If I hear a jazz artist singing Gershwin’s “Summertime,” I’m taken back to times as a child when my mother would be singing it to herself at the piano as I was walked through the living room. She’s been gone 29 years, but when I hear “Summertime,” it’s different from a pleasant memory – it’s a moment when I feel she’s present again; it’s part of her “wake.”

It can also be true with organizations.

A few years ago, I was greeting a new neighbor. She asked where I’d worked. I mentioned Hospice of Santa Barbara. Her eyes widened. “You worked there? Your counselors saved my life after my husband died suddenly. I wouldn’t be standing here today without them.” What she expressed was not a simple fact – it was bringing to the surface a healing experience that was very much alive in her.

Last fall I went to Los Angeles for one of the first post-COVID concerts. An older woman sat next to me, and we began to talk. She told me she was from West Los Angeles. I told her I was from Santa Barbara. “What did you do there?” she asked. “I was Director at La Casa de Maria Retreat Center.” She almost came up out of her seat. “That’s one of the most important places in my life!” she said. “My 12-step group went there every year, and we loved it. It’s an amazing place.” I could see La Casa’s impact on her had not dissipated but was buoying her spirit even as we spoke.

These moments aren’t just the retrieval of weightless, neutral thoughts from our past. They are times when we are truly feeling them again in body and soul. Just as a boat’s wake continues to be present in the ocean long after it is visible, these are strong, visceral experiences that continue to eddy and swirl within us, rising into our awareness in unexpected moments.

Are there times when such memories come to mind for you, drawing with them your body and soul as if you are still in their “wake?”

Finally, I thought about how all of us are “sailing” through our life every day and – know it or not – leaving a “wake” in the lives of those around us. What kind of wake is it? Are we paying attention to the currents we are setting in motion with our words and actions? Are we navigating skillfully so that those currents will benefit others, strangers in addition to loved ones?

Shipmates, I’ll confess reflecting on the word “wake” caused me to lose track of what the instructor was saying – good thing I wasn’t at the “helm.” But I’m grateful to be out on the sea, and to cherish all the people whose wakes are still with me.

“Sailing Accross the Atlantic,” Oceanpreneur

Fenced and Free

This is Rue:

She was named after a character in The Hunger Games and sometimes goes by the alias, “Rue-Rue.” She 11 years old and weighs 8 pounds, 2 ounces. As she’s gotten older, she’s had seven teeth pulled. She also has a “collapsing larynx,” meaning she often snores. But she doesn’t seem to lament her fate, or question why she’s here. She makes the best of each day.

This is Sita:

Aliases include “Sita-Ram” and “Ram-Stine.” She’s 12 years old and weighs 69 pounds, 8 ounces. She now struggles when she gets up in the morning due to arthritis, and her right eye is partially closed. But she doesn’t seem to lament her fate, or question why she is here. She makes the best of each day.

This is one of the “Unicorn Tapestries”:

It’s about 520 years old, and currently lives in New York at the Cloisters Museum. I don’t know how much it weighs. There are many opinions about what it means.

The first time I saw it was in the office of a long-time friend and Jungian therapist whom I would visit when facing important decisions. We’d explore my dreams to understand what was going on within me, and we shared an appreciation for spirituality, myths, symbols and metaphors.

Her office was in downtown Santa Barbara. One day I came for my appointment, saw her door was open, and went in. She was busy finishing something at her desk and invited me to take a seat. As I sat there, I looked around her office. I noticed the print of the unicorn tapestry on her wall. I was curious why it was there.

She finished making her notes and came to sit across from me. I asked her about it.

“It’s a famous image from the Middle Ages,” she said. “Some say the unicorn represents the experience of being alive. Our soul instinctively feels like we are magical creatures and should be free to travel anywhere and do anything. But the corral keeps us constrained in a space that seems too small, like the limitations of our physical body. The question is: do we resent the limitation? Or do we accept it as part of being an incarnated spirit?”

I purchased my own copy of the “Unicorn Tapestry” and had it framed. It was on the wall of my office at La Casa de Maria Retreat Center when the 2018 debris flow swept it away, along with the entire building. But I still think about it.

Do you ever feel like the unicorn? Within yourself you sense your soul, your spirit — an awareness of being alive and unique that you first felt in childhood? At times you delight in the freedom your spirit has to dream, to explore, to create – to be like a magical creature.

But then there’s this body, and the limitations of life. Sometimes this body is a delight of its own as we experience so many wonderful things through our senses. But other times our body seems to work against us. We get sick. We get injured. We age. We don’t belong in this corral!

There have been at least two ways to look at this in spiritual traditions.

Some have held that physical existence is a curse. We are born into “original sin,” and deserve to suffer whatever befalls us. Years ago, there was a funeral in our town for a young man who had died tragically. The priest said, “God could have saved him. But why? Who wants to live in this world of sin?”

Other traditions hold that suffering and limitations are not a form of divine punishment, but simply a natural aspect of being biological creatures. Why we are here, where our awareness comes from, and where we are ultimately headed is a great mystery. But if we try to fathom all the amazing processes which make it possible to simply be alive, how can we not say life is “a marvelous work and a wonder?”

This is me:

I’m 69 years old and decline to give my weight. On my bathroom shelf are two 7-day pill containers – one for the morning, one for the night – to help me remember to take my medications. I sometimes don’t recognize myself in the mirror. I often wish I was younger and could do activities I used to take for granted. I’ve seen some terrible tragedies in my life that still haunt me, and have abiding respect for people who have endured great heartbreaks, limitations and loss.

This is me with our new granddaughter, Selah Rose:

I’m holding her in my lap on Christmas day. She’s 3 weeks old. She weighed 6 pounds, 6 ounces when she was born.

I don’t know how I’ve made it this far, and don’t know how much longer I’ve got. But when she held my finger as she slept, I was reminded what a miracle it is for all of us to be alive. And to make the best of each day.

Silver Keys, Mean Moms and Compassion in the Workplace

…and from beneath his robe he drew two keys; the one was made of gold, the other of silver; first with the white, then with the yellow key, he plied the gate as so to satisfy me.

“Whenever one of these keys fails, not turning appropriately in the lock,” he said to us, “This gate of entry does not open…”

“One is more precious, but the other needs much art and skill before it will unlock – that is the key that must undo the knot.”

Dante, The Divine Comedy, Puragatorio, Canto 9:115 – 126

I first began exploring Dante’s The Divine Comedy fifteen years ago. It’s an imaginary journey through the afterlife, drawing on the scientific and religious knowledge current in 1300 AD, formed by and filled with Dante’s extraordinary imagination. Despite being written long ago, I’ve found it contains fascinating spiritual and psychological insights. I’m currently in a year-long Dante study group meeting on Zoom every Monday afternoon. I want to share with you a brief passage we read recently.

Dante is being led through different stages of the afterlife by his guide, Virgil. At this point he has passed through the underworld (Inferno) and is at the foot of Mount Purgatory. If we want to get to paradise, we need to make this trek — a final chance to overcome our personal shortcomings.

Dante and Virgil come to the entry at the base of the mountain. They meet an angel who guards the gate, possessing two keys given by St. Peter.

As seen in the passage above, the angel pulls them out from his robe: one is gold and one silver. He says the gold one is “more precious.” The silver key is not as valuable, but you can’t open the gate without it, and using it takes “much art and skill.” Scholars have long believed the gold key represents the pure gift of divine love; the silver symbolizes how that love is actually applied in the real world.

I love this distinction. Here’s why.

Last week my posting was “Uncover the Love,” which focused on a personal experience I had in a sweat lodge. I saw how love is always present in our lives, even if we don’t recognize it. I linked that to the Buddhist concept of “metta” (compassion) and the Christian concept of “agape.” In light of the Dante passage, these are represented by the “gold key” — love, grace, and compassion in their purest form.

It’s one thing to receive this gift. But how do we apply it in the complex situations we face in everyday life, including family and work? For that we need the silver key: the art and skill of applying love and grace in the here and now.

Reflecting on this theme, I was reminded of a Mother’s Day sermon about being a “mean mom” I once heard from my long-time friend, LuAnn Miller. I contacted LuAnn this week to help me remember what she said that day. She replied with a summary:

“Thanks for checking! Sometimes I needed to be the “mean mom” and set boundaries. Nobody gets to do everything or get everything they want! Possible short-term scowls usually lead to long term steps to being a responsible, kind, loving citizen of the world.”

She has always loved her boys. But sometimes loving them meant not letting them do what they wanted. Compared to lenient moms they knew, she was “mean.” She gladly accepted the label, knowing she was doing what was best in the long run.

This is an example of using the “silver key.” You love your kids, and you don’t want to disappoint them. But the art and skill of being a loving parent includes setting boundaries and expectations kids may not appreciate at the time. Your love for them is good as gold, but to make it real you need to be a silversmith.

I also thought of a story I heard at a business and spirituality conference. The speaker affirmed that many of us want to be compassionate, but that’s not always easy in the workplace.

There was a woman in his company who loved to make conversation. The problem was that she shared a work room with six others. Her constant talking made it hard for them to get their work done, and they asked him to do something.

He noticed another company had an opening for a front office receptionist. He encouraged his employee to apply for it and he put in a good word on her behalf. She got the job. Two months later, he visited that office and she greeted him. She thanked him for helping her get a job she loved. And her former coworkers were relieved they could work in peace.

The right thing to do was not to simply feel compassion for everyone involved, but to find a solution to the problem. That took “art and skill.”

My friend LuAnn added a bit more about what she had said: “The other part of my talk, as I recall, was the importance of having other adult people in our kids’ lives. Teacher, neighbor, auntie or uncle, grandparent, LOG (Love Of God, our youth program) …I believe each person has the opportunity to be “that person” to make a small difference for someone. With a smile, word of encouragement or a loving reminder of a boundary.”

Love, grace and compassion are divine gifts, I believe. But it takes “much art and skill” to apply them in life. We benefit from any “silversmiths” we may know: teachers, neighbors, friends, and family when we are raising kids, and wise colleagues when the challenge is at work.

“One is more precious, but the other needs much art and skill before it will unlock – that is the key that must undo the knot.”

Top image: William Blake, Dante, Divine Comedy, Purgatorio, Canto 9, c 1827

Dante, *Purgatorio*, Canto 9, Bodelian Library, Oxford, c. 1350

Dante, *Purgatorio*, Canto 9, Franz von Bayros, Vienna, 1921

The gold/yellow and silver/white “keys” on the Papal flag. In Dante’s time, the gold represented the “supernatural powers to administer God’s grace” while the silver represented the church’s power in political affairs, as well as issues like excommunicaiton.

Uncover the Love

For several years, my wife and I participated in a week-long summer yoga/hiking retreat at the foot of Mt. Shasta. Day 2 always involved a day trip to Stewart Mineral Springs, where a Native elder would lead a sweat lodge ceremony. In the first three years, I had been reluctant to try it. My stubborn self told me that, having grown up in San Bernardino, I’d experienced enough heat to last a lifetime. I’d had a TIA stroke, brought on by blood pressure issues, and was wary of getting my heart rate racing. And having lived seven years within the boundaries of the Yakima Reservation, I was skeptical about non-Native people appropriating Native practices. But in the fourth year, I decided to give it a try. I joined the two-dozen people huddled inside the small, dome-shaped tent that was covered in blankets. I sat near the door so I could make a quick escape.

The elder explained the sweat lodge can be a spiritual opportunity because it forces awareness inward. As the temperature rises, your everyday busy-mind will say, “This is getting HOT! Let’s get out of here!” Your only hope is to totally focus your awareness within.

And, the elder said, a good focus can be love. He told a few humorous stories about how he frustrates his wife daily. But, he said, beneath those day-to-day issues, and beneath everything, love is present — a gift from the Creator.

His assistant pulled down the flap of the door. We sat in darkness. The heat from the fire began to build. I tried turning my attention inward, looking for love.

For some reason, my mind seemed ready. I began seeing faces of people in my life. It began with me as a child. I saw the face of my mother, then my father, then each of my siblings. The images weren’t specific photographs — just the calm face of each person.

I started seeing my teachers, starting with Miss Kelly in Kindergarten, then Miss Potter for first grade, and on up. I hadn’t thought about them for years and was surprised I remembered their names and faces. I had never thought of these teachers as particularly “loving.” But it was as if I could see that, within each one, they had been teachers because they had a fundamental love for students.

I next saw childhood friends. Then more teachers. Then it was professors in college with whom I’d worked.

At one point, I became aware of the unusual experience I was having. But that broke the spell, and I felt the searing heat. I returned to the safety I’d found in this inner state of meditative receptiveness.

I saw my wife when we first met as students in Isla Vista. Then I saw the faces of each of our children as they were born.

I saw other significant people from my adult life. After a while, the vision was completed. My awareness returned to the present moment.

I discovered it was very hot, and sweat was running off my face. But I felt a great calm and sense of wonder. Love was underneath everything and had been all along.

The elder announced the ceremony was concluded. His assistant opened the flap. We were told we had the option of going to the nearby creek for a dip in cold water.

As I reflected on what had happened, I realized what Native people had known for generations: that a sweat lodge can be a powerful place for spiritual visions.

Two years later I was participating in a five-day retreat for hospice workers led by Frank Ostateski, a Zen mediation teacher and director of the Metta Institute. Frank was discussing the Buddhist term of “metta,” which is often defined as “loving-kindness” or “compassion.” At one point, he noted that metta is not something we create in our lives, but something we uncover. It’s here already, everywhere, always. Spiritual practice is simply the act of uncovering metta, and letting it enter our life.

That certainly resonated with my sweat lodge experience. That love I sensed was there all my life? No one created it, but each person reflected it.

This is close to the New Testament concept of agape (agápē). In English, we use the word “love” to describe a positive emotion for many different experiences: romantic relationships, friendships, family, and treasured activities (Baseball! Popcorn! Swimming in warm ocean water!). But these can come and go, rise and fall, emerge and disappear. Agape is not subject to our immediate context, our mood, or whether we’ve got our act together at this moment. It’s simply there, like a calm, pure light that “never ends.” (1 Corinthians 13:8) And we instinctively know it’s available to everyone.

I think of an elementary school principal we knew in the small town of Wapato, Washington. Before I met him, he’d had an accident while farming which had severed his leg. He got along well with his wooden leg, and he’d invite kids to knock it with their knuckles to hear the sound.

Jim was an elder in my church, and one day I went to the school so he could sign a document. It was recess, and I found him on the playground. As we were talking, a little girl came running to him, upset by something a playmate had done. As she started to tell her story, he put his hand on her shoulder, gave her a big smile, and listened. He didn’t interrupt her. He didn’t try to solve it. He just kept looking at her and smiling. Eventually she calmed down and finished her lament. As if nothing had happened, she ran back towards her friend. Simple, genuine love was what she needed. His name was Mr. Devine.