Remembering A Mentor: Gail Rink

Sometimes we start thinking about someone and not know why. This week, Gail Rink, my mentor at Hospice of Santa Barbara began hovering in my awareness.  I became curious and searched my files. I discovered she died July 27, 2010 – fifteen years ago this weekend. I decided to use this space to honor her.

Gail was born in 1944 in Niagara Falls, New York.  As a young woman, she attended a Presbyterian church and felt a call to pursue ministry.  She spoke to her pastor about it. He told her that was not an option for a woman.  She chose social work instead.

She found her way to Santa Barbara and began a 30-year, ground-breaking career.

When the AIDS epidemic emerged, many people were reluctant to care for AIDS patients. Gail trained volunteers and clinicians how to do it; she showed the way, and many followed.  

She became a legendary educator at our local hospital, teaching young medical residents how to sensitively talk with patients and their families about death and dying.  And how to listen.  Dr. Fred Kass, a local oncologist who worked closely with Gail, said this: “She taught me to better understand where patients were coming from and appreciate things from their perspective — not only to say what I needed to say as a doctor, but hear what I had to say as they heard it,” Kass said. “If we could really empathize with them we could be better at helping them.”*

She was down-to-earth and practical, helping people find what they needed to be supported on their journey. She also had a “sixth sense” about people and situations.  “Gail knew when the spirit left the body, and I didn’t realize that you could know that or she had that intuition” one person who worked with her said. “She had access to a whole other world of knowing, a spirit level of knowing that she was privileged to know. She walked in the room and everyone knew it was all OK.” * More than once, I thought that in traditional cultures she would have been recognized as a born shaman.

I was a Hospice Board member when she announced she was going to retire.  I began to wonder if I might apply for her position.  My practical inner voice said, “No way I could follow Gail. I don’t have anywhere near the qualifications, background or experience.”  I put it out of my mind. 

A few weeks later, she called me and told me to meet her for coffee at the local Starbucks.  After we sat down with our drinks, she asked if I had considered applying for her position.  I told her I had decided I was not qualified.  She told me she had recently been sitting in her living room and noticed “dust bunnies” being gently blown by a breeze along the hardwood floor.  She said, “As I watched them it became clear you need to follow me.”  I repeated my concerns.  She said, “Look, Hospice of Santa Barbara is essentially a spiritual organization.  Even if you don’t realize it, you know what that means.  Many people don’t.  Other people will be doing the client work. You need to lead with what you know.”  This did not feel like a suggestion, but a summons.  I applied and was selected.  That was a great crossroads in my life, and I owe it all to Gail (and those dust bunnies).

She loved to cook, entertain and laugh.  She liked having a Manhattan with friends at Harry’s.  She was direct and irreverent in her conversations. She was a dedicated Willie Nelson fan.  She was unpredictable and delightful. She was one of a kind.

One day we were sitting by her pool and I decided it was my turn to speak truth.  I acknowledged her Presbyterian minister may have told her years ago that she should not think of ever becoming a pastor.  But, I said, look what an amazing “ministry” she had: loving and supporting people in their most difficult moments, educating doctors and the community on how to be present and compassionate with patients and families, instructing and inspiring countless volunteers and clinicians how to care.  I told her the world had plenty of Presbyterian ministers, but there was only one Gail Rink. 

The fruits of her labor continue to flourish in the lives of many people, including mine. I am grateful to have known her.

*https://www.noozhawk.com/080210_gail_rink