Pride and Humility

                  It’s funny how a random comment made by a teacher more than 50 years ago can stick with us.

                  It was in the middle of a “Spanish 3” class in my sophomore year at UCSB. I don’t remember the teacher’s name, but I remember we all liked him.  I don’t remember what the topic was that day – how to conjugate verbs in the subjunctive tense? – or why he got off topic.  For some reason he paused and said, “You know, it’s really important to experience both pride and humility in life.  One or the other by itself isn’t enough.  You need both.”

                  I’ve never forgotten those words.

                  Sometimes we finish a difficult task or a creative project and take a minute to realize what we accomplished.  We feel pride. Pride helps us feel good about ourselves and builds our confidence for other challenges in life.  I believe one of the most important things we can say to our children is “I’m proud of you.”  I said that to our father in his last days, and I hope he heard me.

                  At the same time, we know that misguided pride can lead us astray. “Pride cometh before a fall,” was noted 2500 years ago in the Book of Proverbs.

So we want to keep pride in its place. But we don’t want to lose it.

                  How about humility? Humility can come when experiencing awe before something amazing in nature, or a work of art, or the moral courage someone displays.  Sometimes it comes to us after we realized we’ve made a mistake. Or realize we are not capable of doing something we’d like to do. Or seeing someone who has had a much harder life than us.  Being humble calms us down and puts our ego in place.  Humility opens us to compassion.

                  At the same time, we don’t want to let life or people humiliate us. That means we’ve lost touch with our dignity.

                  I’ve thought about how humility and pride appear in music.

                  Spiritual music expresses a reverent humility – we are grateful for the forces in life beyond our control that have blessed us – e.g., “Amazing Grace.”

                  I looked at one list of ten of the most popular songs in recent decades – it includes” Yesterday,” “Hey Jude,” “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” and “Let It Be.” They are songs of longing, sorrow, comfort, friendship, and acceptance – songs of tender humility.

                  What songs express pride? Patriotic songs do.  How about at the Olympics award ceremonies when a gold medalist steps to the top step during the award ceremony and their national anthem is played?  They’ve accomplished something rare for their homeland and are being recognized.  I find it moving.

A problematic song that comes to my mind is “I Did It My Way,” made famous by Frank Sinatra. Here are the lyrics:

And now, the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I’ll say it clear
I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain

I’ve lived a life that’s full
I traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption

I planned each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out

I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way

                  It’s a stirring song.  But I often felt it’s a bit much.  What about all the people that helped you along the way?  Didn’t you have family members, mentors, teachers, friends, coworkers and supporters?  To me it seemed to match Frank Sinatra’s personality and reputation — a big-time guy that got everything he wanted. 

                  But I was intrigued to discover its history.  Paul Anka came across it and realized it would be perfect for Sinatra — and it was. But years later, Frank’s daughter Tina said he got to hate the song: “He didn’t like it. That song stuck and he couldn’t get it off his shoe. He always thought that song was self-serving and self-indulgent.”

                  I misjudged Frank.  He knew it went too far. 

                  Is it possible to experience both pride and gratitude at the same time?  I think so.  I look back on my personal and professional life and am proud of certain accomplishments — but I’m also aware those didn’t happen without the participation and support of many other people.

When it comes to leadership, don’t we want people who can make us feel proud of lasting values we shared and also embody a level of humility that tells us they truly care about other people?

                  My Spanish teacher wanted us to know something important.  It is good to embrace those moments in which we can be proud of what we’ve done.  At the same time, we are wise to be humble in response to the blessings in life that come to us. We need both.

Lead Image: Lou Gehrig, known as “The Pride of the Yankees,” speaking at Yankee Stadium on July 4, 1938, as he was ending his career due to his advancing ALCS disease. He said, “Today, I consider myself, the luckiest man on the face of the earth.”